THE BEAUTY OF IMPERFECTION
Perfectionist struggles are becoming widespread as we see – or can’t avoid seeing – what everyone else is doing. While not everyone is a perfectionist, we can all wobble when we don’t meet our own expectations. Some say depression can be measured by the gap between where you are now and where you hoped you’d be – and this can happen at any age. That’s why mid-life is a common point of disillusionment: when we realise we are not where we planned to be (or with whom we’d lusted after) – and it feels too hard to change it.
We are happiest when we are striving, even though we don’t always know it: passing exams, chasing university degrees or trade qualifications, getting the first job (then the next job), dropping 10kg, lifting bigger weights, running faster times, saving a house deposit, getting the white picket fence, having a child, raising a family (then setting goals for them). All of that drives us forward, gives us a reason for getting out of bed, a sense of achievement – particularly when we’re good at it. In other words, when we are Busy as F*ck achieving, it is (sort of) okay. But when we lose our structure, reach a fork in the road or fall short of our dreams and plans, angst creeps in.
While it’s fantastic to aim high and fulfil our capabilities, we all stutter, stumble and stall – and if we don’t allow for this, we’re putting our mental health and happiness at risk. We can all use these tips to shift to a healthier approach.
HOW TO DO THINGS (A LITTLE) BADLY
Shrink Your Mistakes When you make a mistake, don’t allow it to take over. Allow yourself to feel the distress – then counter it with a positive, something good you’ve done.
Shrink Other People’s Mistakes Perfectionists are particularly quick to judge others – but we all can be guilty of this. Seek to understand someone’s actions or behaviour and, before calling it out or making a rash judgment, wait to see if this is a pattern rather than a single mistake. Understand that we are all flawed, so don’t discard people too quickly.
Keep Yourself in the Middle Set process
(or learning or dating) goals rather than outcomes or results. While it’s difficult to put the outcome out of your mind altogether, focus on what you can learn or enjoy. Keep goals achievable, and update them as you go.
Try Something New Every Week Spontaneity is important – and attractive. Experiment and try new things (even if you have no skill or aptitude for them) to break your “should” and/or “must” style of operating. Do Things for Fun (Rather than Pure Achievement) Perfectionists can’t help but look for that tick on their CV, that A+ grade or that trophy partner. Heavy focus on outcome can make you fear failure or be too scared to try. Focus instead on lightening up and having a good time.
Drop the Mask, at Least with Your Friends Having excessively high standards can make you hard work as a friend as you always act as though all is well (and successful) in your world. It’s okay to talk about your mistakes and confess when you are struggling; it makes you more human and more real.
Do Things Badly Sometimes. Please. It’ll (sort of) set you free.