Pirates 5 a lengthy shark-jumping slog
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES (M, 129 MINS), DIRECTED BY JOACHIM RONNIN, ESPEN SANDBERG,
The film finds Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow inexplicably marooned and down on his luck. He’s shipless and rudderless much of the time, meandering through an interminable opening that doesn’t really achieve much but a nod to Terry Gilliam and to introduce us to Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Bardem, one of the most electrifying actors on the planet on a good day, never really manages to outperform his own makeup here.
The story, as always, is a forgettable farrago of halfbaked marine mythology and necessary set-ups for action sequences. Nothing ever seems to happen for any reason other than to take up running time. A few of the set pieces are undeniably spectacular, but the film never generates any tension or any particular reason to expect that anything interesting is ever going to happen.
There are some enjoyable minutes, but the actual hours are pretty punishing. Late in the day a truly daft moment shows a shark jumping over Depp. The inference, that everyone involved in this film knows exactly what they are doing here, is unavoidable.
‘‘Nothing ever seems to happen for any reason other than to take up running time.’’
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales will make a pile of money, win the franchise a few new fans who might now go back and watch the original trilogy and might even launch a few careers. And those are all fine things. But I hope, very much, that it also brings this series to an end. For good. – Graeme Tuckett