Scarier things than ghosts, ghouls

Halloween is upon us. That one day of the year where here in New Zealand we all sit in some confusion as to whether we should or shouldn’t be participating. Is it an American thing, we ask? An emerging Kiwi tradition? Should we really let the kids wander the street begging for lollies? Should we also take a bowl and beg for wine — all questions being thrown around this time of year.

As a family, we have buckled to the pressure from the children multiple times and got dressed up to drive the immediate neighbourhood looking for houses with spooky cobwebs on the outside — always a gamble, could be a Halloween welcome, could also be a hoarder’s house. We send the little ghosts and goblins to the door with a bag and a smile to collect their treats.

But this year, I thought we’d look at some REALLY scary costumes. We could dress as some of the most frightening things known to humanity. Like option one. The “Unknown number”.

Nothing strikes fear into the heart of an adult like an ‘unknown’ popping up on the caller ID. Does someone want money? Have I overspent on the credit card? Do I have to find myself in some weird survey I agreed to because I was still getting over the fright of the ‘Unknown’? Truly terrifying.

Option two is the “I’m Fine Wife”. You know, the one where the house has been silent for 20 minutes except for the kids, and the cutlery drawer got closed just a little quicker than usual, a small jangle and a bang coming from the kitchen. “Anything wrong?” You throw in the direction of the bang. “I’m fine” comes the reply. The fear hits immediately.

The “I Just Put My Shin Into The Towbar Packing The Car Dad”. This monster can often be seen hobbling down the driveway, while mumbling through gritted teeth things no one should ever have to hear. You wouldn’t want to approach for a good 10 minutes.

The “I’m Shaking With Anger And Turning Red In A Public Place Toddler”. One of the most horrifying of all. Mere seconds from complete and utter embarrassment and so much unwanted public attention that you’ll be making the fastest trip you possibly can to the furthest you can get from the people around you.

So you see, with a little imagination you can find things around you far more terrifying than ghosts goblins and vampires! Happy Halloweening!