Scarier things than ghosts, ghouls

Hastings Leader - - News - BY ADAM GREEN

Hal­loween is upon us. That one day of the year where here in New Zealand we all sit in some con­fu­sion as to whether we should or shouldn’t be par­tic­i­pat­ing. Is it an Amer­i­can thing, we ask? An emerg­ing Kiwi tra­di­tion? Should we re­ally let the kids wan­der the street begging for lol­lies? Should we also take a bowl and beg for wine — all ques­tions be­ing thrown around this time of year.

As a fam­ily, we have buck­led to the pres­sure from the chil­dren mul­ti­ple times and got dressed up to drive the im­me­di­ate neigh­bour­hood look­ing for houses with spooky cob­webs on the out­side — al­ways a gam­ble, could be a Hal­loween wel­come, could also be a hoarder’s house. We send the lit­tle ghosts and gob­lins to the door with a bag and a smile to col­lect their treats.

But this year, I thought we’d look at some RE­ALLY scary cos­tumes. We could dress as some of the most fright­en­ing things known to hu­man­ity. Like op­tion one. The “Un­known num­ber”.

Noth­ing strikes fear into the heart of an adult like an ‘un­known’ pop­ping up on the caller ID. Does some­one want money? Have I over­spent on the credit card? Do I have to find my­self in some weird sur­vey I agreed to be­cause I was still get­ting over the fright of the ‘Un­known’? Truly ter­ri­fy­ing.

Op­tion two is the “I’m Fine Wife”. You know, the one where the house has been silent for 20 min­utes ex­cept for the kids, and the cut­lery drawer got closed just a lit­tle quicker than usual, a small jan­gle and a bang com­ing from the kitchen. “Any­thing wrong?” You throw in the di­rec­tion of the bang. “I’m fine” comes the re­ply. The fear hits im­me­di­ately.

The “I Just Put My Shin Into The Tow­bar Pack­ing The Car Dad”. This mon­ster can of­ten be seen hob­bling down the drive­way, while mum­bling through grit­ted teeth things no one should ever have to hear. You wouldn’t want to ap­proach for a good 10 min­utes.

The “I’m Shak­ing With Anger And Turn­ing Red In A Pub­lic Place Tod­dler”. One of the most hor­ri­fy­ing of all. Mere sec­onds from com­plete and ut­ter em­bar­rass­ment and so much unwanted pub­lic at­ten­tion that you’ll be mak­ing the fastest trip you pos­si­bly can to the fur­thest you can get from the peo­ple around you.

So you see, with a lit­tle imag­i­na­tion you can find things around you far more ter­ri­fy­ing than ghosts gob­lins and vam­pires! Happy Hal­loween­ing!

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