How to build a wellbeing buffer
Throughout our lifetime we will all experience change and challenge. Common events that impact children include marriage separation and family breakdowns, relocation, transitions to a new school, and the arrival of new siblings. The current navigation of Covid-19 also highlights the impact of unimaginable changes.
New Zealand clinical psychologist and science communicator Jacqui Maguire has crafted a book that magically entwines children’s storytelling with evidence-based psychology.
Follow O´rla’s journey and learn how to harness your inner superpowers to navigate the emotional rollercoaster from unexpected change. Grown-ups might learn a thing or two as well.
We asked Maguire some questions:
What inspired you to write When the Wind Blew?
Covid-19 highlighted the emotional rollercoaster that we can all experience when facing unexpected challenge and change. Whilst we can never erase difficult experiences from life, I do believe that having access to well-established psychological strategies that we can flexibly implement can help us navigate these changes. In particular, learning emotion-regulation strategies in childhood sets up our young people for success throughout their lifetime.
Research is clear that children need to witness these regulation strategies from the adults surrounding them, and have those strategies positively reinforced, in order to effectively learn. Who did you write When the Wind Blew for?
I wrote this book for primary-aged children and their parents/ teachers. My hope is that children will read When the Wind Blew with the important adults in their life, and that the story will spark meaningful conversations about how and when they can draw upon their own super powers (emotion regulation skills). I also hope that the “notes for adults” section at the back of the book, which explains the science behind the strategies as well as thorough instructions can enable parents and teachers to confidently role model and reinforce helpful behaviours in their children.
What are some easy techniques families could use?
1. Naming emotions helps calm them (“name them to tame them”). It is helpful if parents can role model describing them out loud, as this helps build emotion literacy. For example, “I am feeling nervous about my presentation at work today, I can tell that because I have butterflies in my
tummy, my thoughts are racing and I feel all hot”.
2. Increase the frequency of positive emotions when spending time as a family. When we experience positive emotions frequently we build a wellbeing buffer, which helps balance negative emotions. Aim to have a 5:1 positive:negative emotional interactions within the family. Each emotion only needs to be small, like thanking each other or playing together.
3. Eat dinner together at the table. Social connection is a key pillar of wellbeing, and dinner time is the perfect opportunity to gather and provide space for meaningful interactions. It can be helpful to introduce a gratitude exercise where every family member names three small things they are grateful for that day.
4. Have a time-out signal. When we are distressed it is not the right time to have family discussions or negotiations. Have an agreed-upon signal that enables any family member to pause a conversation until they feel calm enough to reenter. It is important the conversation is picked up when everyone is calmer.
5. Establish family rituals that are consistent even in change. Routine is extremely comforting.
How did you go about weaving the techniques into the story?
I decided to label these strategies as “Orla’s ´ superpowers”, as that provides a sense of magic and emphasises to children they have an internal ability to control their emotions and cope well through change.