Facing death bravely

It can be hard to talk to people who have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. What can you say? The horror is unimaginable to those who are lucky enough to have no idea of when they might die. That’s why it is always worth listening to someone who talks about living with a death sentence, someone such as TV builder John Cocks.

“Cocksy” talks matter-of-factly in our feature today about coming to terms with the news he was given on Anzac Day last year. A cancer diagnosis has left him with two years to live. One year has already passed. “I can’t believe how fast this year has gone,” he said.

At 50, most people would hope for another 30 years of life. Told they had only two, many might try to cram those 30 years into two, doing everything they think they might have done, going everywhere they might have gone.

Cocksy has recently remarried and poured the rest of his heart into building another house, the fourth he has built. This one, at Tairua, he is designing and revising as he goes. It may be his masterpiece.

But he sounds relaxed about it. His main worry seems not to be his own fate but for his loved ones, his wife and three grown-up daughters who are close to him. A terminal diagnosis is almost a “blessing” in one way, he says. “It makes you re-evaluate things.”

When he re-evaluated what was important in the light of the knowledge he had two years to live, it was obviously home and family that was important, not travel, adventures, new experiences or any of the items those with unlimited time imagine they might put on a “bucket list”.

A healthy mind never conquers the fear of death but those who have to face it can tell us a great deal of truth. Such as, all life is finite. Death is part of the deal. We should treasure every day.

Those whose days are numbered have no difficulty making the most of every day. They are probably living more intensely than others can imagine.

How do you talk somebody with a terminal diagnosis? As matter-of-factly as they talk about it. They are facing it and companions who try to avoid the subject are not helping them.

Sympathy should be given with admiration, death comes to us all and they have found the courage we will need.

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