Real women don’t conform

TV series explores the pressure on women to eat and look a certain way.

Mental wellbeing — including anxiety — and the pressure to look slim and eat clean can have on women’s health is being explored in a TV series about real Kiwi women.

In New Zealand women are 1.6 times more likely to suffer from a common mental health condition than men, with 20 per cent of adult women diagnosed with one during their lives, according to 2014 research from the Mental Health Foundation.

One in 10 young women will also suffer from an eating disorder.

Comedian and winner of the Billy T Award, Angella Dravid is among many Kiwi women dealing with anxiety, a condition that psychologists say has reached epidemic proportions.

The 31-year-old said she often overthinks and fears she’s hurting others because of how she dealt with family problems during her childhood.

“I think the constant battle I’m facing is that I want to be able to talk to people but then I have this worry that I’m causing someone else pain so instead I put the pain on myself,” she said.

“I think women aren’t really told of their worth. It’s just a cultural thing. We have to put others before us — it’s quite a feminine trait.”

Growing up she felt constantly judged on her appearance — a pressure that many women face but most men don’t, she said.

“Things like your skin colour or your weight, your age — all of those things become much more important as a woman compared to a man.

“There seems to be a time limit that a woman needs to achieve everything before she becomes too old. It doesn’t seem to have a cap for men but women seem to have: ‘You must have this and this and this before 40 or before 30 or your looks will fade and then what’?”

Attitude’s four-part documentary In My Mind takes a deeper look at some of the pressures contributing to poor mental health in women.

It’s an issue close to home for Emma Calveley, the director of the series’ “body” episode, whose youngest sister — now 22 — has had anorexia since she was 9.

“My mum had anorexia in her 20s and had overcome it enough to get pregnant and have me.

“She was really aware that eating disorders could be something that would affect my family, especially the women,” Calveley said.

“Even though she really tried to protect us I think those pressures still came through. All of the women in my family experienced it to some effect.”

Women feel pressure to eat clean, be thin and look a certain way because they want to be attractive to the opposite sex, she said.

And headlines like “you can lose weight in 10 days” and “get abs in 30 days” reinforce they need to lose weight and change themselves.

“We’re concerned about these things because we’re told we need to be.”

Our selfie-obsessed culture and the rise in popularity of vegan, paleo and other diets also played into the pressure women feel to conform to particular beauty standards, she told the Herald on Sunday.

“All this focus on what we’re eating and what we should be eating means we judge ourselves and each other more and it puts more pressure on us to eat and be a certain way.

“With social media there’s a real danger of comparison. If women are constantly seeing long, skinny women, flat stomachs, perfect complexions — that’s not how we all are. We can never measure up so we tell ourselves we’re not enough.”

Calveley said being aware of the pressure that women dealing with eating disorders put on themselves and being kinder to ourselves and others was important to changing our culture when it comes to women’s mental health.

“The best thing you can do is show that you’re someone they can talk to. I think being really open and asking the right questions of them in a way that is loving and non-judgmental is [important].”

For Dravid it was talking to friends and a counsellor that helped her deal with anxiety.

“I think it’s always important to talk so that people who don’t have that insight can see from your perspective.”