What’s wrong with our politicians?

I was recently talking to one of the country’s better business leaders when our conversation turned to politics. She clearly cared deeply for the wellbeing of our country so I asked if she’d thought about getting into politics. Yes, she said, but had decided against it because of the stress on her family.

I didn’t even know her politics, but she would have added a muchneeded intelligent and thoughtful voice. Which got me thinking about how we might increase the quality of our MPs, because whatever system we have now isn’t working.

I like Jacinda. (Please keep reading)

I think Jacinda Ardern is doing a pretty good job as Prime Minister, which has probably lost half of any readers who made it this far. Yes, there are those who think that she is a Communist with Nazi tendencies, but nobody should use those terms without first demonstrating at least a basic understanding of their meaning.

Just to even things out, I also think Sir John Key was a pretty good Prime Minister (there go the other half of readers). I don’t have a political axe to grind here but I am aghast at the very shallow puddle from which our leaders are chosen.

The scariest thing about the last three National Party leaders is that, despite their obvious shortcomings, they could easily have been elected Prime Minister by those who’d vote for National if a sock puppet was in charge. (Please don’t get any ideas).

Why don’t we have better politicians?

One reason we don’t get very good candidates in that system is that the most capable individuals would earn more outside Parliament with a lot less hassle.

Therefore, politicians tend to be limited to three types:

● The independently wealthy (Donald Trump, John Key).

● Those with an unwarranted belief in their own importance, money be damned (Boris Johnson).

● The professional politician (Jacinda Ardern).

The scrutiny

Life is hard enough without being filmed every time you go to the bathroom. If an individual is doing a great job for their company then marital issues, a rogue family member, prior drug-taking, or playfully (?) pulling a waitress’ ponytail, are irrelevant. However, if you go into politics they are headline news for a week and may cause you to lose your job and even your family.

Keep it in your trousers

Would you refuse to buy bread from a baker who has a mistress? Do you care if your hairdresser had a child out of wedlock? Should a politician’s indiscretions matter more? The French are far more sanguine about their politicians’ affairs, possibly because if they were to filter out everyone who’d been unfaithful they’d have been leaderless since Asterix the Gaul.

If you’re running for election, you’re not running the country

The current electoral set-up requires candidates to spend more time trying to get elected than working at the job which we’re electing them for. Showing an aptitude for patting babies on the head and kissing dogs may help you get votes but isn’t much use with balancing the national Budget or negotiating a trade deal against a bunch of Machiavellian diplomats.

It’s easier to run a business than a country

Some people say we need experienced businesspeople like Sir John Key to run the country, forgetting that Key was not actually a businessman, he was a foreign exchange dealer — which is one up from working in a casino. Either way, it is far easier to run a business, where everyone has more or less the same aim (make more money), than to run a country where 50 per cent of the population automatically disagree with everything you do as a matter of course.

The opposition needs to do more than just oppose

Our form of democracy generally leads to the opposition merely contradicting whatever the government says without feeling the need to offer a cogent alternative. However, as governments are like stopped clocks (even the worst ones are right twice a day) this lands us in Monty Python’s “Argument” sketch:

● An argument isn’t just contradiction.

● Yes it is.

● No it isn’t. Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.

● (Pause.) No, it isn’t.

Volunteers wanted

It would be great if the parties could work out how they could get better candidates, though I guess for the current crop it would be a bit like turkeys voting for Christmas.

Still, if there are any decent people there who feel they have something to offer to the country, please come forward and help the rest of us out. What have you got to lose? Well, apart from everything, obviously.

We don’t need people who are good at being politicians, we need people who are good at caring about the rest of us. Mediocre would be an upgrade.

● Paul Catmur has an average degree in politics. He worked in Advertising at a quite good level across New Zealand, the UK and Australia, including co-founding an agency in Auckland. This is a series of articles about how to make the best out of maybe not being the best