King’s girl on spiral into mental health fight
Comedian admits feeling like a failure after daughter attempted to take her own life
Dad just rang me and said: ‘I’m really sorry you felt like that was your only option’.
Tekay King
Mike King has helped many young men and women around the country fighting mental health battles and helping to promote life.
But even his experience as a mental health advocate and his own past could not have prepared him for the phone call that one of his children had attempted to take their own life.
“As a father, all you want to do is fix it. You’re listening for clues and you’re listening for advice.
“When any of my babies are hurt, I end up feeling like a failure.”
King is widely known for his work in the mental health sector and suicide prevention and is the founder of I Am Hope, a registered charity under the Key to Life Charitable Trust.
In August, he received the dreaded phone call no parent ever wants.
One of his daughters, Tekay King, was in hospital after attempting to end her life.
He acknowledged how difficult it was to hear and remembered some of their conversations before that.
“It got to the point with us, she’d say to me: ‘Dad, why won’t you just listen?’ ‘I am listening,’ I’d say.
“And then when I’d go quiet, it’d be: ‘Dad, are you there?’
“Quite often, the last person who can help is a parent. I can help anyone else’s child because I don’t have a history with them.
“I’m always telling my baby I love her. I’ll ring her 10 times in three days just to do that.”
Tekay King, real name Te Aroha, lives in Perth with her partner and their 4-year-old daughter Harper.
A new job and the subsequent long commute, the fact she only saw her little girl when she put her to bed and then sickness had finally caught up with Tekay.
“One day, my mental health was so bad I couldn’t see a way out.
“I felt like I was now becoming a heavy burden for those around me and the frustration towards me was more noticeable.
“I made a decision to put them out of their misery because I just felt like a fat burden and failure.”
The 32-year-old shared those words on Facebook in early December, describing going public as one of the scariest decisions she had ever made.
The post has accumulated hundreds of reactions, shares and messages of support.
The intention was never for it to reach that many people, she told the Herald on Sunday.
“I was surprised at how many people felt the same. I was surprised at the number of people who reached out to me.”
Her new job brought in more money, but with it more responsibility, which meant less time for her daughter.
The drive to work was an hourand-a-half each way. The early morning starts, having to drop her daughter off to daycare much earlier than school started and the sacrifices the long hours meant started to take a toll on her.
“It just led me to spiral. It was just too long, too much.”
One day, she told her mother Rosemary Nathan something was not right and thoughts about not being a capable mum started to creep into her mind.
“It was just a very difficult time. I dropped Harper off at school and came home, got into bed and was just crying; and I attempted to do what I did. “Funnily enough, Mum said later she just thought: ‘Where’s Te Aroha?’ That’s when she found me. She just said: ‘No, what about us? What about us?’ ”
Tekay was rushed to hospital, where she spent three days being monitored.
Her dad called her afterwards. “Dad just rang me and said: ‘I’m really sorry you felt like that was your only option’.”
But it was a message from a cousin, who lost her father to suicide, that has changed something in her, Tekay says.
“She told me the damage you could have done to your daughter is far greater than the damage you feel now.
“That statement has saved me. Whatever I am now is better than what I would be if I was dead.”
Mike King speaks of his pride at seeing his daughter’s bravery in that Facebook post, describing it as overwhelming and a “game-changer” for him.
He says it is still a journey and he will continue to love, protect and stay quiet when his daughter wants to talk.
“And maybe grunt now and again so she knows I’m listening.”
Tekay says there are still hard days. But she has strong support from her wha¯nau and friends and even strangers who have reached out after seeing her Facebook post.
Sometimes she just needs space to figure things out her way though, she says.
The Facebook post has allowed her to think about helping others struggling to cope.
“I did not think it was possible, but it opened up my eyes to what you can do if you’re honest with your truth. It’s given me the courage to go out there again.”