The kids are out and emotions are flooding in
Q
The kids are back at school for the first time since August and I’m working from home. I’ve been looking forward to the time and space to concentrate on work, but I’m struggling to concentrate and focus. I feel like a bit of a mess. I don’t know what’s wrong with me — is this normal?
A
It can be easy to minimise the impact
last five months — not to mention the last two years — has had on Auckland, and Aucklanders. It really feels like emotionally we’ve borne the brunt of the pandemic. It really has taken a toll on many of us.
I know I found the last half of 2021 particularly hard. The grinding stressful boredom, the lack of space, working from home, teaching and managing children’s education — and their boredom.
And this week, for a lot of families it will be the first week that all children are out of the house at the same time and it can feel like there is finally some breathing space.
Or does it?
Chronic stress does funny things to our attention. We can focus on what’s right in front of us — hyper-focus even — on just getting through. It’s not fun, but it works for a while. As long as we don’t stop, we can keep going.
And while the stressful times are far from over — the predicted “Omicron” looms like an ominous storm cloud on the horizon — for parents of school-age children it’s felt like the longest summer holidays ever. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve largely enjoyed spending more time with my little ones but, and I’m sure they’d agree, we all need a breather from one another sometimes.
But sitting in front of your emails, the house silent, no urgent demands on you from others can feel disorienting, and uncomfortable.
One thing to be aware of is with more space to yourself you may find yourself feeling more emotions. I mean the last six months have been A LOT.
It can help to deliberately make some space to welcome those feelings, because they’re all valid. And if we don’t, or can’t find a way to do that, then they can come out elsewhere, in less helpful ways.
I mean who hasn’t had some pretty grumpy, stressful days during the lockdowns? The amazing thing about our emotional system is it’s flexible. It can be a bit harder to go into wind-down mode — we naturally jump into anxiety more easily than we step out of it — but it is entirely possible to unwind ourselves.
We just have to be a bit intentional about it and plan it, especially if it’s feeling hard.
Meditate — or learn to — if that’s your thing. Or pick up a book, take some time to just sit and listen to some music, go for a walk without distraction.
Spend some time with yourself. You don’t have to convince yourself that everything is going to be okay — just that it’s necessary in the midst of all this to take some time to recharge for the next effort.
Because while we live in stressful times at present, with no obvious respite on the horizon — we don’t have to live in the stress all the time. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, or that you’re not paying attention. It just means you’re working on thriving, not just surviving.