Death by numbers

Only three things in life are inevitable, dear

IT WILL BE a cold day in Helensville when we devote a page to tax-related humour, so that leaves us with the morbid but reassuringly egalitarian topic of death.

When will it come? What will it be wearing? And is there an app for that? Lubricate your coffin-screws then, the dear but not departed, and cast a stillopen eye over this, the complete and authoritative guide to death in 2014.