Rush to judge, rather than help
Parents lack support
We all know the story now; a baby left in a car in Pak ’n Save Porirua’s carpark, along with a note ‘‘My mum’s in doing the shopping, call her if I need anything’’ and a cellphone number.
A photo was taken by a pas- serby and posted on Facebook. The rest, they say, is history. Sure, this new mum did not choose wisely to leave a baby alone in a supermarket carpark. But is this story really so bad to warrant international media attention and a social media furore? I’d suggest that there are bigger stories that deserve attention here.
How about the story of the passerby who took the photograph? Did it occur to him to ring the cellphone number to speak to the mother involved? Did it occur to him to call the police? CYFS? Did it occur to him to do anything that was remotely of use to an aban- doned baby and to the baby’s mother who clearly was struggling to make good choices that day?
The only thing he did do was to share a photo of this contentedly sleeping baby, creating a social media frenzy. Is this the act of someone genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of this child or is it an act of judgment?
How about the story of the disproportionate outrage and public condemnation that has followed this mother’s actions? Mostly we fail to see anything like this level of outrage levelled at the real perpetrators of child abuse – those who beat, rape or murder those in their care.
Is the name Michael Martin, accused of killing a toddler in his care in Auckland, on everyone’s lips? Unlikely, but everyone in our nation and most of the Western world now knows and has an opinion about the mother who left her sleeping baby locked in a car at Pak ’n Save in Porirua.
How about the story about the village that, today, does not raise the child? Today’s parenting can be so isolating that parents don’t have the support they need to nip down to the shops to purchase essential items and they are judged, not supported, through every choice they make.
Parenting is not something that can be done in isolation and a tired, isolated parent is not always going to make good choices. Sure, I actually don’t know if this mum was tired or isolated, but her actions suggest an inability to make good choices that day and a trusting, if naive, belief that strangers’ intentions will be good ones.
Yes, parenting is all about choices and risk assessments – we do this every day without even knowing we are doing it most of the time.
On this autumn morning, in the Pak ’ n Save carpark, this new mother clearly didn’t get it right, but what is the real story here? Is it her poor choice that day or is it a nation with appalling child abuse statistics with a moral compass that is becoming strangely skewed?
Eleanor Cater is a freelance writer and works for Parents Centres New Zealand as their national brand manager. She lives in Porirua City, shops all over and very rarely sees babies left in cars.