Celia Lashlie’s lasting impact
Young New Zealanders have lost a powerful advocate. Celia Lashlie, who died on February 16 after a short illness, was renowned for her ability to connect with people from all walks of life.
Her straight- talking manner and courageous work in the prison service, in social justice and in the raising of teenage boys earned her wide respect around the world.
She changed the lives of thousands of adolescents, and helped many parents to guide them down the right path.
Much of her work was in unravelling what makes New Zealand boys tick and through that she influenced many attitudes towards adolescence.
She worked tirelessly towards reducing crime in New Zealand and is probably best known for her work with the Good Man project that focused on research from discussions with pupils in 25 boys schools.
The project formed the basis of her first book, He’ll Be Ok, Growing Gorgeous Boys into Good Men.
Lashlie’s background was in the prison service and she was the first woman to work as a prison officer in a male prison in New Zealand.
She was widely respected by peers and prisoners alike.
She was accessible to everyone and in recent years spoke at several events in Porirua, including school fundraisers, which provided her with a good target audience for her messages.
Her advice to mothers in particular was frank and uncompromising and she became noted for telling mothers to ‘‘chill out and stop asking so many questions’’.
I was lucky to hear her speak on two occasions in Porirua.
Her messages and charisma were such that she was one of those rare people whose words, often delivered with humour, stay with you long afterwards.
For me this was her message: ‘‘Mothers, back away from your adolescents.
‘‘Boys, in particular, are operating on another plane entirely and actually do not hear most of the constant chatter that their mothers often pollute their world with.
‘‘Don’t sweat the small stuff, but do let your teenagers know when something is really important – like not getting into the car with that drunk mate.
‘‘ They will remember that because you are not making an issue out of everything.’’
Lashlie memorably said that ‘‘laughter and silence’’ were the two things boys need most from their mothers.
She urged parents to encourage their children to find out who they are and support them in that.
This quote is from her most famous book: ‘‘He doesn’t want to be on a pathway. Put him on one and he will immediately jump off.
‘‘He wants to be able to run and play, to live life for the moment and enjoy the fact that, for now, he is exactly where he needs to be and there’s nowhere else he needs to go.’’
New Zealand will miss her courage and compassion, her wisdom and humour, her fearlessness and her persistence in pursuing what she believed in.
Eleanor Cater is brand manager at Parents Centres New Zealand, a freelance writer and mother of three.