What is grief and why do we need to grieve

Kapiti News - - Book Review - By An­drew Mal­colm

| 17-21 Parata Street PO Box 300 | Waikanae 5250 [email protected]­fu­ner­al­home.co.nz www.kapi­ti­fu­ner­als.co.nz

Grief is what fol­lows the death of some­one you love:

Grief is a process, not a state. The process takes time to work prop­erly and can­not be rushed. Griev­ing is nor­mal and healthy. Grief is a nat­u­ral func­tion by which you will make a healthy ad­just­ment to the sig­nif­i­cant loss in your life. How­ever, so­ci­ety can make it dif­fi­cult for you to grieve openly and nat­u­rally. This is where a be­reave­ment sup­port per­son can be in­valu­able. Your way of griev­ing will be a uniquely per­sonal ex­pe­ri­ence. Grief is NOT about for­get­ting, or the painful let­ting go of mem­o­ries. Rather griev­ing is a process where good mem­o­ries are af­firmed and bad mem­o­ries are healed. The grief process has com­mon pat­terns:

Feel­ings of shock, deep emo­tions and sad­ness, some­times re­lief, tears and laugh­ter, de­pres­sion and lone­li­ness, phys­i­cal symp­toms of distress, feel­ings of guilt, hos­til­ity and re­sent­ment, dif­fi­culty in con­tin­u­ing usual daily ac­tiv­i­ties, ad­just­ing to a new way of liv­ing.

Your grief can of­ten af­fect the way you see your­self and the way you look at the world. A be­reave­ment sup­port per­son can ac­com­pany you as you nav­i­gate the changes and move for­ward into your new fu­ture. It is very im­por­tant to recog­nise and work through your feel­ings. Re­press­ing grief, and fail­ure to al­low this nat­u­ral heal­ing process to take its course can take a toll in many ways. A sup­port per­son who cares is vi­tal: It is of great value to share your feel­ings with at least one trusted per­son. You may have sup­port­ive friends and fam­ily to talk with, but many peo­ple find it is eas­ier to speak freely with some­one in­de­pen­dent, who they don’t know per­son­ally.

A be­reave­ment sup­port per­son will: Spend time with you, lis­ten to you and al­low you to ex­press opin­ions with­out passing judge­ment, sup­port you as you make ad­just­ments and move for­ward into your fu­ture, re­spect and value you through your time of pain and re­spect your vul­ner­a­bil­ity.

And pro­vide the names of pro­fes­sion­als who can help if it is felt that is what is needed.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from New Zealand

© PressReader. All rights reserved.