Avoid the parenting traps with children

It’s tough being a parent, but it’s easy to fall into one of the common parenting traps.

The criticism trap is when there are frequent power struggles with your child. The situations escalate from criticising to threatening and yelling. This type of discipline often backfires. The parent’s anger makes the child and parent resentful and hostile. If these kinds of battles take place frequently, it’s time to try a new way of handling the situation.

The “leave them alone” trap involves the parent simply not acknowledging their child when they are behaving well. If good behaviour is taken for granted it may be replaced with the misbehaviour that receives more attention. A basic principle of positive parenting is to praise behaviours you would like to see more often.

The “for the sake of the children” trap occurs when parents in unhappy marriages stick doggedly to the same marriage routines, for the sake of the children, rather than addressing the problems constructively.

The perfect parent trap. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and trying to be one will only lead to disappointment, resentment, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy.

The martyr trap is where parents become so over-involved in parenting they neglect their own needs. The parents’ relationship suffers with feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment. Quality parenting only happens when adults balance their own lives e.

Professor Matt Sanders is founder of the Triple P — Positive Parenting Program. The Ashhurst community was treated to a ha¯ ngı¯ on Sunday organised by St Mary Magdalene’s Anglican Church and the Ashhurst President’s Rugby Club.

Ric Foxley from the Pohangina parish said 300 people sat down to the ha¯ ngı¯ in the Village Valley Centre, with many people donating food items to the Ashhurst Foodbank.

“Music was provided by local group For Folk’s Sake.

“Thanks go to the many in the community who donated and prepared the food, and special thanks to the rugby club guys who had an early start on Sunday morning, and to Lee and Karen Ranginui who coordinated the whole event,” he said.