Waiter workout morphs to writer’s desk cramp

Amon wills me on with all sorts of encouragement but the legs give out one beep away from level 16 on the test.

Noema- Barnett only manages a few more lengths before he too has to stop.

We are told to rest up, as we are set to do more running. Of course.

The next test is much simpler – run as many shuttles as possible in one minute.

When I played football, shuttles were the bread and butter of most training sessions.

But after having my legs destroyed by the yo- yo test I have no hope of keeping up.

Noema- Barnett again manages to better me, fitting in a few more lengths.

We then get our jump distance tested before going on to what I am most worried about – skinfold testing and being weighed.

It is no secret I have put on a bit of weight in the past two years, so I am braced for bad results.

I come in about 70 kilograms – far better than I thought I would be.

They do say fat is lighter than muscle though, so what better way to check what I am made of than pushing some tin.

I have never done weight training in my life, so Amon quickly runs through some basics to make sure I do not end up with a crushed ribcage.

We take it slowly, increasing the load until I am lifting the same amount as I weight.

While it took a while for my toothpick- like arms to lift the bar to the top, I did manage to get it done.

Overall, I am surprised at how well I did.

While the official results have not yet landed, I managed to run further than I thought I would and do not weigh nearly as much as I thought I would.

Will I be hitting the gym in earnest now? Probably not.

But I will need to work off the aftermath of Christmas feasting somehow.

I think the dog is going to get a few more walks in the new year.