Sex violation survivor: no regrets

After she was forced into doing a sex act she said was off-limits, Sarah* wasn’t immediately sure what to do.

She later talked with her friends.

They persuaded her what happened was wrong, so she went to police. Quickly, she had a medical examination and gave an interview, which was recorded.

‘‘I drove myself [to the station]. I don’t remember doing that. I couldn’t tell you which way I went.

‘‘But I remember walking in the door and speaking to the officer behind the desk, and I said to him I needed to talk to someone in private.

‘‘He took me to this room out the back and I just sat there and sobbed. He couldn’t get any words out of me.’’

There was some reticence about talking to the police, but that soon disappeared. In the back of Sarah’s mind was the possibility the man had offended against others. He needed to be stopped. ‘‘I thought, ‘Who’s going to believe me? It’s a he said, she said-type situation.

‘‘But I definitely felt like a weight had been lifted and in my gut I knew I’d done the right thing by reporting it.’’

The sexual violation happened in Manawatu¯ in the early hours of a December 2017 day. Sarah and the man, who she previously had consensual sexual activity with, met with the intention of having more.

The man forced Sarah into a sexual act she had said she didn’t want to do.

At a jury trial earlier this year, the man, Raymond Burgess, was found guilty on one charge of sexual violation. The 39-year-old was found not guilty on another charge stemming from that night.

Sarah had waited more than three years for the case to get to trial. Part of the delay was caused by Burgess offending while on bail, raping a woman in the South Island by having unprotected sex against her will.

Earlier this month he was jailed for five years and lost his name suppression.

In her victim impact statement, given to the court and seen by Stuff, Sarah said she was not Burgess’ victim, rather she was strong and courageous. ‘‘I will not be defined by your actions,’’ she wrote to him. ‘‘These were your choices, your choices you made, and now you must suffer the consequences. You must accept that what you have done is wrong. You must accept the pain and hurt you have caused.

‘‘This is on you. You needed to be stopped and now your time is up.’’

Sarah writes that Burgess made her feel unsafe walking the streets and in her home. She suffers from post-traumatic stress and has trouble sleeping. ‘‘The sound of roses scratching against the windows in the wind is frightening, like someone is outside my bedroom.

‘‘The noise of an idling vehicle outside my house is distressing. It’s a sound I remember after you violated me.’’

Sarah has been to more than 50 counselling sessions.

‘‘This has been the hardest and most consuming thing I have ever done, and I chose to mostly do this by myself. Not because I didn’t have the support from my family and friends, but because I chose not to taint them with your disgusting actions.’’

Sarah didn’t attend the sentencing and said she felt numb to the outcome. But she is steadfast that she did the right thing in going to the police.

The experience wasn’t easy. She initially had trouble finding a counsellor and she found the grilling by a defence lawyer in court tough.

‘‘I had to sit there and defend myself and yet he [Burgess] can sit there and say nothing.’’

Sarah said she always felt the police believed her and she was sharing her story in the hope others who experience what she had would report it.

Sexual abuse tended to remain hidden and she wanted to see more publicity about its effects, as had recently happened with mental health.

* Sarah is not her real name.