Forgiveness: a force for good

A man renowned for his ability to forgive says the process is a logical approach to illogical actions.

Farid Ahmed was in Palmerston North, along with Iafeta Matalasi, to speak to a conference run by the Manawatū Restorative Justice Trust yesterday.

Ahmed’s wife, Husna Ahmed, was killed at An-Nur Masjid in the 2019 terror attack in Christchurch.

Matalasi’s son Alonsio was murdered in 2013 by Mongrel Mob Rogue members Dillin Pakai and Shane Pierre Harrison in Petone.

The trust, which is celebrating 25 years, runs restorative justice services for courts, helping offenders and victims meet to discuss positive ways forward after offences. Ahmed and Matalasi have become role models for forgiveness, with both speaking regularly about its impact and power.

Speaking to Ahmed said he quickly forgave the gunman for a range of reasons, including a need to have love for ‘‘human brothers and sisters’’ and a faith-based belief that forgiving others ensured forgiveness for himself.

Another key plank was what he called the ‘‘commonsense conclusion’’ and ‘‘logic’’ of forgiveness.

He spoke to his daughter the evening after the attack, asking her if they wanted to be broken, suffering and destroying themselves, or to bring the positive out of the negative. He also asked her how she felt about the gunman. She said she felt sorry for him as something must have gone wrong in his life to act as he did.

Ahmed’s forgiveness did not mean he was not sad about what happened, but it enabled him to move forward differently.

‘‘If I choose the path of sadness, anger . . . that doesn’t allow me to do many good things. ‘‘It quickly changed me from a victim mentality to a contributor mentality.’’

It also contrasted with the actions of the gunman, whose actions were not rooted in logic or common sense, Ahmed said.

‘‘I wish he had that.’’ Ahmed wanted to thank the people of Palmerston North for all they did after the attacks to support him, his family and the Muslim community. He was especially thankful for the efforts of children who wrote cards and raised funds.

‘‘It is mind-blowing and very emotional.’’

It was a reminder of the compassionate nature of Aotearoa, which people overseas mentioned when he travelled.

‘‘As New Zealanders, we have to just look after one another. There is no other way.’’

Matalasi, who met Harrison in prison years after his son’s death, told the conference yesterday that it was about today’s actions affecting our tomorrows.

‘‘If you hate one another, point finger at one another and disengage from the interests of one another, that will be our tomorrow.

‘‘We come together as one and speak as one. No hate, no finger pointing – just love one another.’’

That did not take away the hurt of people’s actions, with Matalasi comparing it to a broken chalice repaired by a potter.

The chalice, while repaired, showed the cracks from when it smashed.

‘‘It is fixed, but with scars – that’s us.’’

Farid Ahmed says the decision to forgive the man who murdered his wife in the 2019 Christchurch mosque attacks was a logical choice. Iafeta Matalasi, who has forgiven the men who murdered his son, says our actions today affect our tomorrows.