A journey to reclaim my identity
I amthe daughter of a New Zealand European mother and a Tongan Father.
My father, like many Pacific Islanders, came to New Zealand in the hope of a better life for himself and his children. His hopes revolved around education, job security and the opportunity to make money to send home.
Thirty-six years on, my father and mother have built a successful life, and so have their children. Assimilating into New Zealand or Western culture appeared to be a big part of this success; knowing how to speak English, how to do things the New Zealand way, how to navigate the systems. As parents, we do what we think is right for our children.
In my family, this included being bought up predominantly as Pa¯keha¯, not learning to speak Tongan and experiencing Tongan culture in small doses, which included some trips to Tonga as a child. Being bought up Pa¯keha¯ did allow me to get ahead, be comfortable in many situations that others felt uncomfortable in. Being brought up Pa¯keha¯ made some things difficult, I remember trying to join the school Tongan group only to feel like I did not belong.
Being called plastic, not a real Tongan and so on because of my lack of language has been hurtful but now as an adult, I realise I need to take control, it is up to me to find out about my culture, to learn my heritage and pass that onto my kids.
Currently, my family and I are looking at moving to Tonga to find out more about our Tongan culture. When discussing this move, a non-Tongan family member expressed their disappointment, saying that they saw this move as a slap in the face to my father who had moved from Tonga and worked so hard to create a great life for him and his family. He saw my move to Tonga as a step back. This kind of attitude is concerning and may be reflective of what some nonPacific people may think. However, taking a journey to understand our heritage is never a journey in vain.
Yes, my father did come here work hard with my mother in order to create an amazing life. However, having an amazing life should not mean we have to give up part of our identity. I feel this is what is occurring throughout the world, an idea that we must be one of the other. Often to survive in this colonial system, we must give up parts of ourselves. I see the return to my father’s homeland as a reclaiming and strengthening of who I amand who my family are.
We are not Pa¯keha¯ we are not Tongan, we are a mixture, we are complex, and we should find strength in our journey to discover our identities, our many lands and roots.
It is not a step back; it is a step up.