Mum’s the word: school daze

Opinion: There is nothing like the start of school to bring out the materialistic side of Miss Six. Apparently the bag, lunch box and shoes that were perfectly acceptable just two weeks earlier are no longer to madam’s liking.

I watch as she hobbles across the carpet, wincing with each tiny step to demonstrate her terrible discomfit with said shoes. There is no way they are too small but Miss Six is lurching across the floor like the hunchback of Notre Dame. I’m not buying it.

‘‘You can wear thinner socks,’’ I tell her and she stops lurching. ‘‘Check my toes,’’ she orders and, fool that I am, I jump to obey. I make a big deal of pressing down on her toes.

‘‘There’s lots of room,’’ I tell her brightly. Point to mum methinks but my celebration is short lived. ‘‘I need a new schoolbag.’’ ‘‘You don’t.’’ ‘‘I do. Mine’s all ...yucky.’’ We get the bag out of her wardrobe where she banished it at the beginning of the holidays and silently inspect it. There is nothing wrong with it.

‘‘See!’’ says Miss Six as she points at a microscopic dot of dirt. If only she was so concerned about the grub all over her face.

‘‘It’s fine,’’ I tell her moving on swiftly to her next gripe - her lunch box. There is a moment of complete horror as I realise, far, far too late, that said box is still in her bag. Mouldy apple anyone? Actually, there’s more than one apple in there, two more are rolling around drunkenly at the bottom of the bag. I pick one sorry specimen up and brandish it at her.

‘‘Why didn’t you eat your apples?’’ ‘‘I didn’t want to.’’ ‘‘You could have at least taken it out of your bag,’’ I say crossly. She looks pointedly at the lunch box. Bad mother alert. I go and find my car keys, we’re going to buy Miss Six a new lunch bag.

Miss Six’s lunchbox had seen better days. (File photo)