Marlborough Express - Weekend Express
Stomach-churning holiday horror
Around the same time he was giving New Zealand’s then-chief censor Bill Hastings headaches with his horrifically grim geek-show Hostel: Part II,
Eli Roth created a brilliant parody of a 1970s/1980s slasher movie.
The Thanksgiving trailer was one of the highlights of the “intermission” in the Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse double-bill (sadly only released here as two separate, faux-promo-free films – Planet Terror and Death Proof) – a carefully crafted, pitch-perfect parody of genre “classics” such as Halloween, My Bloody Valentine and Black Christmas. As voice-over man intones, “this holiday season, prepare to have the stuffing scared out of you”.
While promising, for more than a decade, to one day bring it to feature-length life, it’s only now that he’s finally followed in the footsteps of Rodrigeuz’s Machete and Jason Eisener’s Hobo with a Shotgun (sadly Edgar Wright’s Don’t still remains unmade).
Somewhat disappointingly, Roth and screenwriting collaborator Jeff Rendell have decided to turn Thanksgiving into a modern-day tale (did they not see how Ti West’s X and Pearl proved the compelling power of a period setting?).
But although the end result is likely to be a little too gruesome and Grand Guignol for many (while not nearly titillating and transgressive enough for lovers of more than 40-year-old low-budget Hollywood fright fests), underneath its somewhat tired take on traditional tropes, telegraphed twists and attempt
to homage The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and blatantly “borrows” from Scream VI), it’s actually a surprisingly artful and entertaining watch.
As the extended Wright whānau sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, there’s tension in the air.
Recently remarried to his realtor Kathleen (the magnificently named
Karen Cliche), Thomas (Suits’ Rick Hoffman, sporting a luxurious moustache) has controversially decided to open his Plymouth, Massachusetts Right Mart store at midnight for this year’s Black Friday sale.
With the promise of 50% off a wide range of electronic goods and a free waffle iron for the first 100 through the door, there’s already a large gathering outside well before the witching hour.
Thomas’ teenage daughter Jessica (Big Shot’s Nell Verlaque) had hoped to avoid the throngs entirely, but her East Plymouth crew’s plans to head to the movies are waylaid when jock Evan (Tomaso Sanelli) demands they divert so he can pick up a new phone after smashing his earlier in the evening during an altercation with a rival from Hanover High.
Thinking she’s doing the right thing, Jessica eases the gang in early via the employee entrance, but after being spotted in-store, the boys’ mock “taunting” only riles up an already feral crowd.
Seeking to ease the pressure, manager Mitch (Wynonna Earp’s Ty Olsson) decides to unlock the doors slightly early, but with only one security guard in place, there’s no way they, nor Sheriff Eric Newlon (Disenchanted’s Patrick Dempsey), stand any chance of keeping things under control.
Cue carnage, chaos and a distinct lack of courtesy that leaves at least three people dead and Jessica’s boyfriend Bobby’s (Jalen Thomas Brooks) budding baseball career in tatters.
One year on – and while he has ghosted her and everyone else – the rest of the town is still very much haunted by the traumatic events of that night. No one was charged with any offences and the store’s security cameras apparently mysteriously malfunctioned.
Unfortunately, they make things a little too obvious – no amount of red herrings able to hide the sub-Scooby Doo-level set-up.
Thoroughly earning its R18 rating, thanks largely to its “torture-ous” denouement, you’re left wondering what might have been had the creators stuck to the early promise and premise of a Dawn of the Dead-style consumer satire, instead of going for the jugular (and just about every other vein that can gush).