Time for us to talk about the D-word

As New Zealand emerges from lockdown, there is a sense of freedom again – perhaps when visiting our favourite barista, getting that much-needed haircut or going fishing again.

We are patting ourselves on the back for going hard and early. And rightly so. After all, the celebratory pat is for staying home and saving lives – including our own.

So is now a good time to mention the D-word? Death.

The inevitability of death has never been so apparent. Yet little – if anything – is mentioned directly about the terror that comes from this heightened awareness of death.

There is deep sadness about the loss of life to Covid-19 in New Zealand. Plus the horrific news from overseas reminds us of the scale of death this virus can cause. And that everyone has to dodge the bullet – not only the senior and medically vulnerable.

And with the physical distancing markers and tracing registers we are reminded that the threat of Covid-19 is still out there. Consciously or unconsciously, death is still lingering with us all in the Covid-19 world.

So I offer my thoughts on a kind of freedom that has, perhaps, not crossed your mind. The freedom that comes from accepting death.

Some researchers say that, yes, sometimes, being aware of death can result in negative outcomes, but many studies suggest there is a positive side to being naturally reminded about our mortality.

Such as increasing tolerance and empathy towards others. An increase in helping behaviours. And motivating us to change behaviours to improve our health.

Also, creative channels point out the benefits of recognising that death is inevitable. Such as in the lyrics of If We

Were Vampires by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit. Where the downfalls of thinking that ‘‘we were vampires and death was a joke’’ include not making the most of the precious time we have. And that immortality would give little meaning to passion – be that for a lover, as in the song, or for life.

And I blow off the dust from the work of the 16th-century French philosopher Michel de Montaigne, who draws upon the work of the Roman philosopher Cicero. (Yes, philosophy – the discipline that is often ridiculed for being practically useless. So bear with me.)

I am reminded of one powerful sentence: ‘‘He who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.’’

The idea is that slavery is the fear of death. And this fear keeps us enslaved. So freedom comes from accepting that we are going to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow. Or from Covid-19.

But death is inevitable. As each day passes, death approaches. And a welllived life is one that welcomes death.

But this unexpected and increased awareness of death in the Covid-19 world may fill us with terror. The thoughts may haunt us, so perhaps we deny the inevitable. Perhaps we are filled with anxiety.

This unexpected and increased awareness of death has shades of familiarity with being diagnosed with a chronic health condition – in my case diabetes. Being given a diagnosis often leaves us shocked with pangs of anxiety and denial. And years of adjustment to cope again with one’s mortality.

But, with time and emotional support, the constant reminders of our mortality, such as injecting life-saving insulin, become freeing. And we take news headlines, such as ‘‘almost a third of Covid-19 deaths in England have been associated with diabetes’’, in our stride.

It takes hard work to accept that death is inevitable. So when you do, pat yourself on the back. And embrace freedom.

Snita Ahir-knight is doing doctoral research in philosophy at Victoria University of Wellington. She is also a social worker and child and adolescent therapist.