20 Ques­tions

Metro Magazine NZ - - Letters -

01— If the Mis­sion Bay “makeover” looks like the artist’s im­pres­sions, how will the res­i­dents know whether they’ve got home from Queens­land? 02— Ne­go­ti­ated a four-day work­ing week yet? 03— Or just keep­ing your head down in case some­one re­alises how lit­tle you achieve in five days? 04— Is Si­mon one of those Bridges to Nowhere? 05— Rack­ing up a few miles get­ting there, isn’t he? 06— Yes, it’s a spare bed­room in Taka­puna, but couldn’t you reg­is­ter it in the Cay­man Is­lands? 07— Isn’t it time 2005 called and asked for its Don Brash back? 08— Could Massey Univer­sity’s loopy de­ci­sion to un­in­vite him cost it that pres­ti­gious 332nd place in the world univer­sity rank­ings? 09— When Fash­ion Week run­way mod­els fall off their shoes, have they been de-plat­formed? 10— Does DoC use Monty Python’s dead­par­rot sketch as a train­ing video? 11— Ac­tu­ally, who doesn’t feel sick as a par­rot when some­one in a uni­form asks for a blood sam­ple? 12— Shouldn’t they be tar­get­ing those pis­shead ker­erū? 13— Chis­elled the ivory off your piano keys yet? 14— We’re not al­lowed to see Air New Zealand cabin-crew tat­toos, but we’ve all got an imag­i­na­tion, right? 15— And it has to be an in­ti­mate pierc­ing in­volved in that faint jan­gling noise, doesn’t it? (Stop right there. — Ed.) 16— Hang­ing out for Deb­o­rah Hill Cone’s take on Clarke’s “dad beard”? 17— Play­ing Fort­nite yet? 18— Or still get­ting a kick out of your fid­get spin­ner? 19— Shouldn’t “taser­ing a goat” be­come a eu­phemism for some­thing? 20— Re­mem­ber when a “life hack” was just one of those haunted scribes who had spent their whole ca­reer at the Her­ald?

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