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Metro Magazine NZ - - Metrolols -

Neve gonna give you up: Neve merch we need right now

Cute lit­tle Jacinda, Clarke and Neve Na­tiv­ity Scene, with op­tional Win­ston as the Ar­changel Gabriel.

Neve Funko Pop doll in au­then­tic UN one­sie.

A hand­print-signed US tour shirt with her face on the front and ap­pear­ance dates on the back (nurs­ing friendly).

Lim­ited-Edi­tion Mt Al­bert Mo­nop­oly Set with ster­ling-sil­ver sleep­ing Neve to­ken.

iPhone cover with tiny float­ing glit­ter Neves sus­pended in­side.

Neve wa­hakura replica pen holder and USB drive.

Hol­i­day hell: what to do if Cus­toms de­mands your phone pass­word

Look around for enough wa­ter to drown your phone in and re­alise that this was the end-game of ban­ning liq­uids all along.

Say okay and hope it dis­tracts them from the fruit dog freak­ing out at your carry-on.

Open your bank app to see if you have a spare $5k.

Deny own­er­ship and claim you were only hold­ing it for a friend, like this oddly heavy boo­gie-board bag.

If they can guess your mother’s maiden name and first pet, it’s all theirs.

Money in the banksy: other things worth more once shred­ded

Ev­ery gar­ment pro­duced this sea­son on

Project Run­way New Zealand.

Your rental agree­ment, since the down­stairs loo tested pos­i­tive for some­thing be­gin­ning with P.

Chicken, cab­bage, car­rot, co­conut — and dou­bly so if you call it a poke bowl.

All those lovely Amer­i­can shares af­ter Oc­to­ber’s lit­tle “mar­ket cor­rec­tion”.

Any young man at Rhythm and Vines.

We wish you a Merry Christ­mas: recipes to rouse the Christ­mas spirit

Santa’s Lit­tle Helper: one part gin, one part di­azepam, and a cherry.

Rein­deer Slay: deer-head cheese with shi­raz-glazed straw­berry “noses” and antler-vel­vet re­duc­tion.

Nutcracker Sweet: an al­ter­na­tive dessert op­tion pro­vided for those with­out a nut al­lergy.

All I Want for Christ­mas Is Ewe: a choice cut of Mou­ton mar­i­nated in pros­ecco and de­light­fully dressed as lamb.

Mistle­toe and wine: not rec­om­mended.

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