BLIND SPOT

Ever had one of those days where you wake up and nothing goes according to plan? It’s not until you lie awake at the end of the day and think about what actually transpired that the significance hits you. Recently on holiday, I woke early, got up and started reading my emails. As I was cleaning my glasses with the edge of my T-shirt, I snapped them in two. I was annoyed as that meant the end of clearing my emails – without glasses, I can’t see too much close up.

Later that morning I went to the local optometrist to see if I could get a spare pair of glasses to get me through the rest of the trip. They suggested that while I was there I should have an eye test. I explained it had been less than 12 months since my last test back home but they insisted.

The range of tests were fairly standard but at the end of the examination, the optometrist said, “There is something on your right eye but we don’t have the appropriate equipment so see what it is.” Their other practice in the next town did, so I made an appointment with them, I didn’t really think too much about what she’d told me.

So when this optometrist tested me and said that I had a hole in my retina in the right eye, it took a while to process. He showed me the layers of the eye from the scan he had taken and the damage and hole in the eye. He asked if I’d had any blurring or vision problems and when I thought about it, I had noticed that my vision was blurry to the right and there were moments of complete white spots where I couldn’t see anything. I had just put it down to feeling tired.

Flying home, I made an appointment with my optometrist the following day. She confirmed everything that had been said and that I needed to see a specialist. Fifteen minutes later I was driving to see the eye surgeon, who explained it was a hole in the centre of the retina, which is the lining of the back of the eye responsible for vision. Basically the eye is filled with a jelly called vitreous which is normally in contact with the retina. As the vitreous shrinks and pulls away from the retina in such a way it can cause a hole, as in my case. After discussion I decided on surgery that involves keyhole surgery using a tiny opening in the eye.

On the day of the operation I was nervous and just wanted it over and done with. The vitreous was removed, as was scar tissue, and a gas bubble was placed inside the eye to help seal the macular hole. The gas bubble blocked my vision and it was like looking through murky water. It is a strange sensation to not see out of one of your eyes. The bubble moved around to the bottom of my eye and shrunk – eventually disappearing after 15 days. Over that time my sight returned.

While I was recuperating, trying to relax and waiting for my vision to return, I thought back to how the discovery was initially made and the frustration of me breaking my glasses. I reflected on how strange life can be and how things can change in an instant, sending you down a different path.

If I hadn’t broken my glasses that morning, if that first optometrist hadn’t suggested an eye test, I would have struggled on with the hole in my retina getting larger, gradually losing more sight.

I found it interesting that while recuperating, all my so-called ‘rituals’ went out the window and my focus was purely on getting better, except for one, it seems. In Janet Stone’s feature, ‘Ritual Behaviours’ on page 41, she says, “Rituals can be short moments before you start a difficult task – stop for a second, take three deep breaths, focus and get started.” I have never thought of my breathing exercise as a ‘ritual’. If I get stressed or frustrated, or just want to be calm, I stop and take deep breaths to really refocus and clear my thinking as this always helps any anxiety I might have.

When I saw my specialist for my final appointment, he said he was very impressed with the outcome. I asked what did he put it down to? He said the surgery only goes so far – it’s also about the healing. My vision has returned and my eye now feels much better. I have always believed in the power of healing and in being as relaxed, nourished and supported as you can be to fully recover, whether it’s physical or mental healing you need, or sometimes both.

Listen to your body, and if something doesn’t feel quite right, get it checked out. And don’t forget your rituals, whatever they may be.

“ON THE DAY, I WAS NERVOUS AND JUST WANTED IT OVER AND DONE WITH.”