wed­ding wars: how to avoid di­vorce be­fore mar­riage!

My Wedding - - VINTAGE BRIDAL TRENDS - By Sara Chatwin

It is said that all re­la­tion­ships re­quire work and cer­tainly af­ter the blush of the new­ness wears off, mar­riages, too, re­quire work. Yet who was to know that ac­tu­ally get­ting mar­ried prob­a­bly re­quires the most amount of work that any per­son will ex­pe­ri­ence in such a rel­a­tively short pe­riod of time. So many cou­ples to­day re­port sig­nif­i­cant amounts of stress as they head to the al­tar … and cer­tainly there are a raft of anec­dotes and sto­ries that most mar­ried cou­ples have about the ‘agony and the ec­stasy’ that seems to per­me­ate wed­ding plan­ning.

Of­ten cou­ples comment on how they feel very ‘out of con­trol’ as they plan their big day. Oth­ers be­lieve that much of the prepa­ra­tion re­volves around what ‘other fam­ily mem­bers’ want and not nec­es­sar­ily what they in­tended for their big day. Take heart though, there are ways of min­imis­ing the stress dur­ing the process of wed­ding plan­ning that can make your wed­ding day just that: YOURS! Here are 5 hot tips for any­one em­bark­ing on the wed­ding jour­ney: 1. Have a plan! The more or­gan­ised you are, the more pre­pared for any­thing you be­come. Whilst ‘mi­cro-man­age­ment ‘ is not nec­es­sar­ily the plan, know­ing what you want and what you are go­ing to get at your wed­ding gives you a sense of ‘con­trol’ and di­rec­tion that helps calm any nerves! 2. Do what both of you want to do: Wed­ding time is a time of hap­pi­ness and fu­ture plans. It’s also a time of strength! This is due to the fact that at some point you will need strength and re­solve to get what YOU want. There will be many peo­ple pop­ping their in­gre­di­ents into YOUR mix. Strength is needed to stick to your orig­i­nal recipe and be the ar­chi­tect of your des­tiny and your fu­ture. 3. Move for­ward with both eyes open! Of course you be­come very wound up in the daily tasks of plan­ning a wed­ding. How­ever, take time out reg­u­larly to en­joy your life! Re­mem­ber to do the things that you have al­ways done, or fur­ther, that you en­joy. Don’t nar­row your fo­cus com­pletely. There is life af­ter the big day! 4. Don’t be scared to del­e­gate! If you have a per­son or peo­ple you can trust to get some of the small stuff done, en­list their help and you may not have to sweat the small stuff. This is par­tic­u­larly help­ful at a time where there is so much go­ing on and, as the old adage goes, many hands make light work! (I would only al­ter that adage slightly by say­ing many SKILLED hands make light work! 5. Reg­u­larly re­mem­ber WHY you’re get­ting mar­ried. Cel­e­brate the ‘love’ part of the wed­ding equa­tion through­out this plan­ning process. This will keep you close to the ex­cite­ment and joy that you will feel as you ex­change your vows and start your life with some­one RE­ALLY spe­cial.

Wed­dings can be a chal­lenge; a bit­ter sweet ex­pe­ri­ence for many. So it’s im­por­tant for cou­ples to try to fo­cus on their wants and needs for their big day and to cel­e­brate in a style that they are com­fort­able with. And when the wed­ding is over and you have ne­go­ti­ated your way up and down the slip­pery slopes of seat­ing plans and flo­ral ar­range­ments, your fu­ture to­gether will seem like a prover­bial walk in the park!

Sara Chatwin (Reg. Psy­chol­o­gist and di­rec­tor of Mind­Works: Life Per­for­mance Spe­cial­ists) is a fa­mil­iar face on our TV screens and in other me­dia. She is highly skilled as a life skills man­ager, stress buster, mind coach and men­tor. www.mind­

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