Seal train­ing needed to han­dle this hol­i­day

Napier Courier - - NEWS -

When the US Navy SEAL team are right at the be­gin­ning of their ca­reer, they go through a thing called hell week.

It’s a one-week train­ing course that sep­a­rates those with the fit­ness and men­tal tenac­ity to cut it from those who won’t make it through.

Most par­ents with one or two weeks off over the re­cent school holidays will have been through the parental equiv­a­lent.

Since my wife has re­cently re­turned to full-time em­ploy­ment, the onus was on me to en­dure Hell in the Home week.

Just like a new SEAL re­cruit, I went into it with some knowl­edge of what may lie ahead — a gru­elling sched­ule full of things that would truly test my fit­ness and re­solve.

■ Chal­lenge one: The 200,000 I’m hun­gry chal­lenge. A true stretch­ing of men­tal pa­tience, this chal­lenge in­volves a ro­tat­ing stream of chil­dren all an­nounc­ing “I’m hun­gry” at dif­fer­ent times. For ex­tra tough­ness, one will ask im­me­di­ately af­ter an­other has just been fed and all bread and spreads are safely back in their cup­boards.

■ Chal­lenge two. The tramp bounce. At times it will seem like a good idea to find al­ter­na­tive ac­tiv­i­ties for your squadron. En­ter the tram­po­line, which seems like a good idea the first time, but make the game en­joy­able enough and you will be asked to spend count­less hours with your body on the line as you go an­other round of “Buck­ing Bronco”.

■ Chal­lenge three. The I’m thirsty sleep de­pri­va­tion chal­lenge. At times dur­ing the week, you will be ex­hausted. Long­ing for the com­fort of a nice warm bed and the re­lief of a good night’s sleep. This won’t hap­pen. In­stead, your squadron will rise, at ev­ery mo­ment you think of lay­ing down with an is­sue.

“I’m thirsty,” “I need the toi­let,” “I heard a noise” and “I’m hot/cold/ some­thing in be­tween” are all things you WILL hear and have to deal with.

Not to men­tion count­less mini chal­lenges. The tears be­cause she took the one thing in the house that I was play­ing with de­spite the fact there are a mil­lion other things to play with chal­lenge. You’re a ter­ri­ble per­son be­cause you won’t buy me the thing from the toy shop we were pass­ing time in chal­lenge. The there is no pri­vate bath­room time chal­lenge.

Yes, par­ents, we have truly made it through Hell in the Home week.

Next school holidays I might just sign up to be a Navy SEAL. It might be eas­ier!

■ Don’t miss Adam Green and Me­gan Banks on The Hits Hawke’s Bay from 6am to 9am, Mon­day to Fri­day.

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