Working through separation
Last time our Citizens Advice Bureau column gave some useful advice if you may be entering a new relationship. We also get calls and visits from people whose relationships are coming to an end. Here’s a few examples.
■ Our relationship of seven years seems to have come to an end. So what do we do?
Just how definite is the possible breakup? If there’s any chance at all of saving the relationship, we strongly recommend counselling to help couples resolve conflicts and improve their relationship. Even if one of the parties refuses to participate, it could still be worthwhile the other person meeting with a trained counsellor. We can direct you to one.
■ Sadly, it’s a definite breakup. So what comes next?
You really need a separation agreement so both parties are clear about when your relationship ended — this can help prove you’ve been separated for two years or more if you want a divorce. It can also sort out what you’re both still responsible for even though you’ve separated, like caring for children, what happens about your house or flat and ongoing costs, looking after pets, dividing assets (if you’ve been together three years, the general rule is that the split has to be 50:50).
If you and your partner can reach agreement on even some of these things, you will save time, worry and expense. Otherwise, you may need the Family Court’s help which will involve lawyers and costs.
■ What rights will I have on how our children are brought up?
Generally, both parents are their children’s guardians and both are responsible for their children’s upbringing and day-to-day care. Read our Guardianship page for more details at www.cab.org.nz
If you separate, you’ll need to try to agree on your children’s day-to-day care (a parenting agreement). You can download a parenting plan workbook from the Family Justice website to help ensure that you cover the key issues in your discussion.
If you can’t agree on a parenting arrangement, you can get help by attending a Parenting Through Separation course or Family Disputes Resolution, or by applying to the Family Court.
The Family Court has produced some excellent pamphlets explaining what’s involved. The pamphlets can be picked up at the Family Court or here at our Bureau where we can provide any necessary help and advice.
■ What does the term ‘day-to-day care’ mean and how is it arranged?
The Family Court uses the term ‘day-to-day care’ to replace the term ‘custody’. Having day-today care of a child means that the child lives with you on a daily basis and you are responsible for their wellbeing and getting to school. If you and your spouse break up, you should both try to agree on the day-to-day care of your child, for example they might spend a week living with each parent, or they might mainly live with one parent and spend their school holidays with the other parent, and the contact arrangements — if only one parent has the day-to-day care of the child, these arrangements allow for the child to spend time with the other parent. (This used to be called ‘access’).
It’s important to put your child’s needs first — this is required under the Care of Children Act — so involve them in the discussion if possible. The arrangement doesn’t have to be in writing, but a written agreement can be made into a court order which might be useful if it is disputed later on.
■ For more information contact us at the Napier Citizens Advice Bureau on 835 9664 or call free on 0800 367 222.
Email napier@cab.org.nz Or drop in and see us at the Bureau at 126 Hastings St. (above the BNZ in Napier), between 9am and 4pm weekdays and 9.30 to 11am on Saturdays. We are only too happy to help.