Grinches vs elves do bat­tle in the of­fices

Napier Courier - - News - BY ADAM GREEN

It’s that time of year again. The eter­nal bat­tle be­tween those who do and those who don’t. Those who are ready for the smell of pine nee­dles and credit card debt to waft ef­fort­lessly into their await­ing nos­trils vs those who’d rather the smell of of­fice printer toner and San­dra from ac­counts’ re­heated fish pie. Work­place elves vs of­fice grinches.

De­cem­ber is here, but it is the sea­son of chang­ing greet­ings and no one re­ally knows which is ap­pro­pri­ate.

There’s the Merry Christ­mas elf, who in early Novem­ber starts test­ing the wa­ter. “Merry…Mon­day” they will ut­ter to one of the grinches, hav­ing been shut down mid-sen­tence with evil eyes and a neck snap in their di­rec­tion.

The com­pli­ments of the sea­son com­rade, but which sea­son are we com­pli­ment­ing ask the grinches? Are we pay­ing homage to spring?

Thanks, spring, our com­pli­ments for the cheap lamb roasts and daf­fodils. Are we com­pli­ment­ing the sum­mer to come? The Christ­mas ‘sea­son’? How long does a Christ­mas sea­son stretch? “We don’t hand out com­pli­ments this sea­son” they will grin­chily ut­ter.

The “see you next year” early hol­i­day starter. They booked leave three years ago to have their first white Christ­mas. And they’ve talked about it ev­ery Christ­mas since. Now it’s a per­fect time to drop an early clanger, “See ya next year”. “Hope­fully not” says the Grinch un­der their voice.

The overly en­thu­si­as­tic cu­bi­cle dec­o­ra­tor. They come com­plete with a 2m tree that man­ages to teeter pre­car­i­ously on the side of their desk, tin­sel hang­ing from ev­ery avail­able spot, rein­deer ears on their head and the of­fer of a candy cane to each passerby. The grinches snarl at the of­fer, and come back with their own, “Per­haps you could put that cane where the sun don’t…” as they head to the safety of the lift.

The party starter. This per­son sits on the work­place elf side, but re­ally, doesn’t care what the rea­son is so long as it’s an of­fice shout. Of­ten found milling about the of­fice fridge around 4pm, look­ing for other party starters. Will be tol­er­ated by the grinches as it is usu­ally this per­son that in­sti­gates the fill­ing of said fridge.

Pick a camp, and jump on board. Now how’s that work fridge look­ing?

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