Psychotherapist brought wisdom and zest for life
Mary Jerram devoted her professional life to assisting people struggling with psychological stress and pain. She was a most influential member of the Nelson professional community, often described as matriarch, valued for her professional knowledge and skill as well as for her personal qualities.
Born in England in 1930, she initially trained in music, then studied philosophy, languages and education. She married Arthur Aikin at age 20 but was widowed during the polio epidemic of the 1950s. Showing the spirit for which she became known, she escaped post-war England with two small children and emigrated by ship to Dunedin to make a new life.
She grew to love New Zealand, its landscapes as well as its opportunities. Having met and married prominent Dunedin radiologist Peter Jerram, she spent many years with him based in Wanaka, bringing up a large blended family.
When, in her 40s, the family moved to Nelson, Mary began her psychotherapy career.
Her starting point as a psychotherapist was through an intensive course in music therapy. She worked as a music therapist at Braemar Hospital in Nelson in 1979 then took a job as a counsellor at the newly established Family Health Counselling Service. In 1981 she was appointed manager of the service and continued in that role until 1993. On retirement, she moved into private practice as a psychotherapist and supervisor, working from her elegant house below the Grampians.
Many people in difficulty benefited from Mary’s skill over her years of practice. ‘‘She has nurtured, soothed and gently challenged hundreds of troubled people with her vast therapeutic skills, helping them to grow in consciousness, work through pain and grief and to grow themselves up in a new way,’’ writes colleague Claire Guy.
The more visible area of Mary’s work was her teaching and supervision. Christine Thatcher remembers: ‘‘Mary lovingly, patiently and firmly took me under her wing, when I lived in Nelson, while working through the beginning two years of my training as a psychotherapist. I remember her as a vibrant, generous woman, who was insightful and solidly supportive.’’
Another former supervisee Linda McEwen writes: ‘‘Her boundaries were exemplary except for the time when I had Benson, my ageing dog in the car. I had had to take him to work with me as he could no longer be left alone at home.
‘‘I planned to drop him back home before supervision but ran out of time so arrived dog in hand. I set him up with water bowl and tied to the car side mirror. We started our session and Benson started too . . . to whimper. ‘Oh goodness, bring him in!’ I could not believe it.
‘‘Benson, the large male rottweiler, in Mary’s house. He obediently, and with the reverence the occasion deserved, lay down between us on the rug and went to sleep and snored so loudly we had to increase our own volume.’’
Mary was an avid learner. She read widely and continued to study all her life. She honed her skills by taking Massey University papers, attending courses and conferences. She tutored on the Nelson Marlborough Institute of Technology counselling courses and taught family therapy. Short courses based on her current reading or studies were presented to a range of helping groups. As well, she represented psychotherapists on the Advisory Board for Applied Counselling at NMIT.
Her impressive networking skills enabled her to draw together a range of professionals for therapeutic discussions and co-operation. She was a strong intellectual force in discussions of topics relevant to psychotherapy and supporting people. She had a deep belief in the benefits of psychotherapy and an absolute commitment to deepening and refining its practice in line with the expanding knowledge of neurobiology and studies of brain function.
She encouraged collaboration between the professions, believing each enriched the other. Rob Riley, GP and Balint Group member, describes her presence: ‘‘Mary has been a wonderful supporter and promoter of general practice. For 30 years, she has been part of a support group of GPs, psychologists and psychotherapists, helping colleagues work through difficult and stressful situations.’’
Members of Mary’s professional association, the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists honoured her many and varied contributions with a Distinguished Service Award in 2005. Early on she encouraged the formation of a Nelson Marlborough branch.
From 1993 to 1999, Mary was appointed by then ACC minister Bill Birch to the Counsellors Approval Committee, which was established to enact part of the Accident Compensation Corporation 1992 regulations that enabled counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists to be approved by the corporation to receive funding for counselling services to survivors of sexual abuse and assault.
Fellow committee member Mike Murphy writes: ‘‘Mary’s wisdom and experience in the field was a valued asset to the committee, which was faced with enacting flawed regulations and a workload of applications that grew to around three times the number that the corporation had expected.’’
Mary was profoundly driven to keep balance between family and work. During a recent birthday, she spoke to her family and friends on finding joy: family, music and flowers were some of her touchstones. As a keen gardener she created a lovely garden when she built her house in Brougham St and her therapy room always had a small vase on the little table.
She loved the family bach, designed by her son, David, that was built at Tata Beach. She often entertained family and friends there. She was learning to play bridge and was an enthusiastic member of a book group, enjoying a wide range of reading, films and DVDs.
‘‘We have all been enriched by Mary’s intelligence and humour and blessed by sharing the beauty she created – homes, gardens, music, and even her own so elegant self. Mary loved to party: to talk and dance and relax with friends. She played with delight, and relished a chance to dress to the nines,’’ said Jennifer Martin at Mary’s funeral.
If one of the measures of a person’s life is to leave the world a better place for their presence then Mary Jerram did this, both as a professional woman and wonderful human being.