Campaigning for a Nelson campaign
A mug’s view
I’m sitting by the phone waiting for Patrick’s call. He’s Paddy to most. I’m well past ready to give my middle-class white-man reckonings about Nelson in next month’s election, but still Mr Gower hasn’t called. But I’m locked and loaded, should he call.
After 27 years of Nick Smith being Nelson’s MP are we about to see a closely fought race for the seat of Nelson?
He’s been a Minister of Conservation, Corrections, Education, Local Government, the Environment, ACC, in charge of Climate Change, Housing, plus Building and Housing. He’s been deputy leader of the National Party.
He entered Parliament as a 26-year-old and he’s now been in Parliament longer than he has lived outside of it.
It’s been a tough last term in government for the minister, with both of the major portfolios he was handed being controversial at best.
The smelly issue of clean rivers has stuck to his brand, along with a severe lack of affordable housing in the eyes of anyone who cares what affordable is. If you had a poll on the government minister most disliked by New Zealanders, Nick Smith could well be top.
Last election he cleaned up in Nelson for the 9th time – with 20,000 votes – 7,600 more than his closest rival. But this time? If Nick Smith doesn’t get voted out now, will he ever?
He was once hospitalised for using paint stripper instead of mouth wash, but still the doctor keeps coming back for more. Is it time for change?
This election it looks like high polling NCC councillor and Green Party candidate Matt Lawrey may be his greatest threat. Have the former Lotto presenters lucky numbers come up? Is Matt someone with a high enough media profile to think Nick may just be given the flick?
Would a Green Party candidate fit better with Nelson’s image to the rest of the country? Aren’t we a place of hippies and tree huggers and national parks in the eyes of the rest of the country? Or are we one big retirement village?
Who knows. But if Paddy Gower calls me I’m ready to hype this up into a two-horse political race-ofthe-century.
Paddy: Alright Harding, what is it this time? What have you got?
Rusty: Paddy, forget Epsom. Forget Ohariu. orget the Maori seats. Forget..what’s those other swinging seats..? I forget. Get the explosive stuff!
Paddy: Polls you say…Alright, I’m listening.
Rusty: And dirty politics! There’s dirty politics too. Remember Jordan Williams from the Taxpayers Union and the Colin Craig defamation cases. He’s been tweeting that Lawrey’s going to quit, had enough. He says someone told him so.
Paddy: Really? So what does Matt Lawrey have to say about that? Rusty: He’s flattered Paddy. Paddy: Flattered? Rusty: He reckons if the dirty politics crew are trying to drum up stories like that, they must think he’s in with a real chance. The Green Party must think they’re in with a chance too. Hayley Holt and all the rest of them keep coming down here every week. They’re like ROCK stars! It’s like Coromandel all over again. Lawrey could be the next Jeanette Fitzsimons. Or something.
Rusty: The guy I buy my vegetables from down at the market thinks Nick Smith looks like an over-ripe tomato. He say’s he’s well past ready for picking. He say’s Matt Lawrey is like a green tomato – sour, but ready for pickling. Or bottling. Perhaps it’s stir-frying… Paddy, people just love their city councillors down here, and they love their vegetables…
Paddy: Listen Russell, I’m not sure I can do anything with what your green grocer thinks. I know you want the media to shine their cameras down in Nelson and all, but…
Rusty: Think about it Paddy, a live cross from the golden sands of Kaiteriteri Beach, your feet in the sparkling clear waters of the Abel Tasman National Park. Think about it Paddy. It sure beats the Beehive on a good day. Or a cold cup of tea in Epsom.
Paddy: … sure, sounds absolutely fabulous, but what about those explosive polls you we’re talking about.
Rusty: Oh, it’s just… Lawrey was seen at the top of the pole.
Paddy: Who’s political poll was that? Have the Green Party been crunching the numbers?
Rusty: Um, well. Lawrey was seen at the top of a telephone pole. He was collecting a neighbour’s cat. It could have been really explosive, you know. Green Lantern stuff. Dangerous. At least I think it was Lawrey. It kinda looked like him.. I think. I can’t prove it mind. But it sure is exciting isn’t it?!
Paddy: Russell, a cat getting stuck up a telephone pole in Nelson is hardly national news.
Rusty: What if the cat was owned by a guy with a moustache called GARETH? What if the cat was called WINSTON? What if the cat had an AUSTRALIAN PASSPORT?… JUST THINK OF THE RAMIFICATIONS!! THIS COULD BRING A GOVERNMENT DOWN!!! Are you there Paddy?...I’VE GOT THE TEXTS! Paddy: .......................................... Locked and loaded. Give me a call Mr Gower. Nelson is where it’s at.