Television
The Best of the Week
Catherine Woulfe
SATURDAY JANUARY 28
Sevens (Sky Sport 1, Sky 051, 10.30am and Prime, 10.50am; same again on Sunday) The Sevens comes to Wellington. The games themselves are wonderfully unpredictable. As for the fancy dress? Reckon on a disturbingly high turnout of Trump masks.
SUNDAY JANUARY 29
Waka Ama Sprint Nationals (Maori, 4.30pm) Lake Karapiro hosts more than 3200 paddlers, aged from five to 75. This highlights show screens a week after the five days of racing, but includes lots of hard-case behind-thescenes stories and profiles of top paddlers.
Making Couples Happy (Vibe, Sky 006, 8.30pm) Four Aussie couples volunteer for eight weeks of marriage therapy on camera. The experts seem sincere, their goal lofty – to make science-based relationship psychology accessible to the masses – but there’s the odd Block- ish gimmick thrown in to keep the punters hooked. See: an excursion to a hardware store, during which the couples load their trolleys with paint tins that have been relabelled with factors that can sour relationships. In-laws, intimacy, housework, expectations, money, time, nagging, sex – some of those trolleys are awfully full. To track improvements, the couples take tests that give happiness scores out of 100. Here’s what 37/100 sounds like: “I never look into his eyes, I never hold his hand, I have said ‘I love you’ maybe once in the past 10 years. I don’t have any respect for him.” At least she’s being honest.
Silver Ferns v Australian Diamonds (Sky Sport 1, Sky 051, 2.00am) Stumble home from the Sevens and stay up for the Ferns – or, for a slightly more civilised Sunday morning, Prime’s delayed coverage starts at 4.25am.
MONDAY JANUARY 30
Black Caps v Australia (Sky Sport 1, Sky 051 and Prime, 10.30am) More sportsing!
The Black Caps and Australia are at Eden Park for the first one-dayer of the ANZ series. The second game, at McLean Park, starts at 1.30pm on Thursday. Sky covers it live and Prime will run highlights from 1.00am Friday.
Corp and Anam (Maori, 8.30pm) Anyone else think the opening credits of this Irish-language crime drama are weirdly derivative of True Blood?
Right down to the dead fox. Anyway, it’s excellent – and much bleaker than Sookie
& co. Dogged, unscrupulous journalist Cathal Mac Iarnain is back for a second season, opening with an episode in which he tries to help a battered woman escape from her partner.
TUESDAY JANUARY 31
Kinne (TVNZ Duke, 9.25pm) Australian comedian Troy Kinne may in fact be a manifestation of lad mag FHM. He practically breathes one-liners, with a tendency towards jokes about genitals and Allen keys and how girlfriends are a pain in every bloke’s arse. The
Daily Telegraph reckons he’s “a comic genius” who “could well be the future of comedy in Australia”. Hmm. That prediction came on the back of a video that went minor-league viral last year, called “Things Never Said During the Rio Olympics”. In typical Kinne style, it’s a veritable barrage: “Badminton? More like greatminton!” “I’m not even sure I know the American anthem. How does it go?” Friend: “Is that Chinese swimmer male or female?” Kinne: “Ah, I think it’s pretty obvious!”
The TV show is like this, but longer.
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 1
Live from the Red Carpet: The 2017 Screen Actors Guild Awards (E!, Sky 014, 12pm) Last year, Idris Elba, Queen Latifah, Viola Davis and the Orange Is the New Black cast made the SAG awards a welcome night of diversity in an awards season that was blindingly white-onwhite. This year? Unsurprisingly, the conversation has shifted to national politics – we can only hope there’s a repeat of Meryl Streep’s epic “disrespect invites disrespect, violence incites violence” Golden Globes speech. And lots of lovely frocks, of course; on that note, E!’s Fashion Police special is on Wednesday at 8.30pm.
MasterChef Junior USA (Prime, 7.30pm) Finale time, kids: the top two have 90 minutes to turn out three impeccable courses. The 11-year-old does Italian and the 12-year-old, French; both have issues with undercooking, meaning everything hangs on the dessert round. How convenient! The junior spinoffs have always been the sweetest of the MasterChef offerings. These American kids are so painful, though: “I won because
I’m composed, I’m a great cook and I definitely have a lot of technical ability,” tonight’s winner explains without a
flicker.
NZ Hunter Adventures (Choice, 8.30pm) The red stags are roaring as thoroughly decent blokes Greg and Willie Duley return for a new season, starting in the hills of West Otago. With hunting
buddy Jeremy Dearden, they plan a 10-day expedition up the Matukituki River, following in the footsteps of legendary deerstalker Allan Harrison.
The scenery is stunning, all clear air and tussock and quick rivers. Those keen for the vicarious tramp but not the blood and guts can rest easy, as there’s very little gore. It’s still confronting, however, to watch the men yahoo as a huge old stag keels over to lie still in the grass.
THURSDAY FEBRUARY 2
Hoarders (Bravo, 9.30pm) Poor Ann. “I’m Ann, and I really love Christmas,” the impeccably made-up Georgian wife says, before the camera tunnels through, room by room, exposing her retail addiction. “We don’t have people over for Christmas any more,” she adds sadly. Poor Gerri and Rodger. They have been hoarding for 50 years and their house is about to be condemned, unless they can cope with a serious clean-up. Honestly, poor everyone involved.
FRIDAY FEBRUARY 3
Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or List It (TVNZ 1, 7.30pm) Kirstie and Phil are back with the TV equivalent of a nice cup of tea. Love It has been on hiatus for the holidays, but picks up midway through season two, in Stirlingshire. On Team List It: Karyn, who is going quietly mad with too many kids (and the inevitable muddy footprints) crammed into a three-bedroom house. Meanwhile, Duncan is determined to stay for the country views and the river at the bottom of the property.