Wordsworth

Gabe Atkinson

This week’s challenge invited readers to submit examples of Tom Swifties, attributing the quote to either Tom or Taylor. “I’ll need a drink to get through these puns,” said the editor spiritedly.

Ron Taylor of Gisborne writes: “You can observe the river from the top of the pyramid,” said Tom senilely. Waikawa’s Nozz Fletcher: “I declare my love for mashed potato,” said Tom protuberantly. Tauranga’s Helen Jones: “That is the largest snapper I’ve ever seen!” said Taylor superficially.

From Bannockburn’s Trevor Lloyd:

“I’ve completed the patient’s prostate examination,” Dr Tom entered digitally. Neil Wilson of Pohara: “All that Chinese food has made me amorous,” said Tom wantonly.

Bay of Plenty’s David Wort: “I lost a tooth while chopping firewood,” said Tom accidentally. From Karori’s Poppy Sinclair: “All I want to do is watch the cricket!” declared Tom testily. Auckland’s Karen Ward: “That man got me so angry that I said a four-letter word,” whispered Taylor effusively.

Palmerston North’s Paul Kelly: “I refute the big bang theory,” Tom steadily stated. Also from Paul: “I used to enjoy that TV series about a police inspector,” Tom said remorsefully. Wellington’s John Marshall: “They taught me to drive armoured vehicles in the military,” said Tom cantankerously. Doug Price of Wanganui: “I think I’ve used the wrong dye in my hair,” said Taylor gingerly.

But clever punnery from Auckland’s Rex McGregor wins the prize this week: “You’ll get your thousand bucks next month,” said Tom grandiosely.

For the next competition, send us a brief acrostic poem in which the first letters of each line combine to spell the word FIASCO. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, February 9.