Wordsworth

Readers were invited to submit examples of eggcorns, which are altered versions of a word or phrase that’s been misheard or misunderstood.

Paraparaumu’s Gillian Travers recalls a disappointed four-year-old who thought he was going to Santa’s Disco and ended up visiting San Francisco. Dunedin’s Dianna Rule writes: Add one cup of desecrated coconut. Pamela Dodd of Hahei: The Lone Ranger and his psychic, Tonto.

Mike Walmsley of Coromandel

Town describes a young boy reciting one of the Ten Commandments as Thou shalt not come to Dudley (commit adultery). Rotorua’s Kate Gore: From the lips of an elderly lady, “We don’t need a defibrillator. We don’t tell fibs in here.”

Christchurch’s Walter Scott: My youngest granddaughter is looking forward to going to school “so I can wear a school unicorn like my sister.” Two from Hamilton’s Trish Bishop: Vanishing into veneer and having an ex to grind.

Minnie Ough Dealy of Kerikeri:

The three-year-old insisted on having strangled eggs for dinner. Rolleston’s Alan Belcher: In the event of an emergent sea, life jackets can be found under your seat. Bronwen Gunn of Levin: He told a fragrant lie.

But Auckland’s Barbara Harwood takes the prize: A secretary transcribed, “He worked it out with a sly drool.” Also from Barbara: A person who is sidetracked may go off on a tandem. And a corrupted nursery rhyme: “Sing a song of sex pants.”

For the next contest, suppose you could somehow eavesdrop on the private thoughts of Donald Trump. In a brief poem of any form, written from his perspective, describe what’s on his mind. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon, Thursday, May 4.