Wordsworthth

Readers were asked to send us a brief obituary for a fictional character of their choice.

Ricky Feutz of Tauranga wrote a particularly fitting obituary for Lord Voldemort: “The ultimate rotter, dispatched by Potter.” (Harry Potter)

Anne Martin of Helensville: Garfield the Cat. Taken prematurely in his 7th life by complications of lasagneinduced obesity./ Popeye the Sailorman. Honoured by the Noble Society of Greengrocers for his tireless promotion of spinach.

Nelson’s Ann Love: Eeyore. A pioneer in mental health who understood that self-acceptance and good friends make a difference.

Marie Curran of Dunedin: Muffet, Miss. Lactose-dependent child, prey to arachnophobia, sadly unable to survive without her daily dairy rations.

Hamilton’s Carolyn Sutherland: Mary Poppins, who was airborne for her next job, was struck by lightning and has popped her clogs.

But the winner is Yvonne Moosberger of Hamilton: Duck, Donald Fauntleroy. Quacking 88 years. After a sudden mallardy, plucked from us and stuffed on Christmas Day. Waddle mate of Daisy. Wishbone bequeathed to Huey, Louie and Dewey. Service at Walt Disney Studios tomorrow. Private potbelly cremation. Donations to anti-maimai fund appreciated.

For the next Wordsworth, which will sadly be my last, Kaye Bennetts has provided a cracker suggestion: provide the origins of nicknames, eg, A man called “Clock” – he had one arm shorter than the other. Entries, for the prize below, close at midday, Thursday, August 26.

Submissions: listenerwordsworth@ aremedia.co.nz. Please include your name and address and No 2134 in the subject line. Entries may be edited.