INTRODUCING BRIDECHILLA

Ready, set, breathe: no one likes a bridezilla. if you’re in danger of losing your cool thanks to planning stress, this five-step guide will transport you to soon-to- be-wed serenity. Relaxation starts now

stressing about seating plans? fretting over flowers? this five-step guide will transport you to soon-to-be-wed serenity

She’s the world’s ultimate multi-tasker – the type of bride who transitions from workplace wonder to wedding planner in an instant. She speaks of plans to draft her seating chart as if she’s tackling a kids’ word search, and finishes a mammoth planning session looking like she’s just emerged from a day spa. Her Facebook page is splashed with happy snaps of blissful bridesmaid outings, photos of postpilates green smoothies (part of that pre-wedding health kick she’s nailing) and – most notably – signs that her life BP (Before Proposal) and all that went with it (stable relationship, sanity) is surviving the planning process with barely a blemish. She’s a Class A bridechilla, the antithesis to a bridezilla, and the type of girl whose big day is a heavenly light at the end of a not-so-dusky tunnel. She’s proof that it’s possible to plan a wedding without sending loved ones ducking for cover, and – with her top choice of photographer safely booked months ahead and her place cards meticulously calligraphed four weeks out from W-day – she’s proof you can do it in style. Contrary to appearances, she’s not celestial, super-powered or even all that clever – it doesn’t take a special breed of human to be a breezy bride.

STEP ONE

Stay organiSed

Ring: On. Facebook status: Engaged. Excel spreadsheet: Saved under ‘Wedmin’. Laying the foundations for a smooth planning path requires sound organisation from the very beginning, says Christchurch wedding planner Emma Newman (enweddings.co.nz). Investing in a planning book, such as the New Zealand

Weddings planner 2014, with checklists, timelines and notes pages will eliminate the possibility of forgetting details, and setting up a spend tracker on a programme such as Excel will lessen the chance of a budget blowout.

‘It’s the loss of control that can raise tension,’ Emma explains. ‘When unexpected costs crop up at the last minute it can put a lot of pressure on everyone involved. Get organised from the start, and be sure to update spreadsheets after every spend, no matter how small.’

Auckland celebrant Melanie Kerr (melaniekerr.co.nz) adds that researching and making decisions well ahead will mean you have a greater chance of securing your ideal vendors and suppliers. Leaving it late could mean settling for a less-experienced alternative – not an ideal scenario given that experience, according to Melanie, should be the key quality you seek out in prospective vendors.

‘Every wedding is special and unique, but at the same time, a couple tying the knot is just another day at the office for a pro,’ she says. ‘Scenarios that may seem tricky or complicated to the bride and groom are easily solved by someone who’s been there, done that.’

In other words, having the right team on hand will mean stressful situations can be diffused immediately, or better yet, they won’t rear their ugly heads at all.

‘Don’t be afraid to book your key people early,’ Melanie adds. ‘It’s better to have a photographer or celebrant booked for a year than miss out on the one you really want.’

STEP TWO

CommuniCate

The secret to keeping those around you from flinching whenever the W-word creeps up? Communication. Whether it’s your groom, bridesmaids, parents or vendors, keeping the day’s key players in the loop with your ideas and visions – and taking their input into consideration with equal gusto – will rule out any chance of misinterpretation. And just like organisation, communicative behaviour has to start from the word go.

‘Determine key ways forward with your fiancé at the beginning of the planning process,’ says Emma. ‘Settle on your budget together, and determine how involved he wants to be. From that point forward, keep him informed with decisions you make.’

However, adds Exquisite Weddings planner Gayle Garmaz, good communication should not be confused with over-communication.

‘Don’t let the wedding take over,’ she warns. ‘Make sure you have at least two wedding-free nights per week, remember why you’re getting married and arrange dates together, such as a walk on the beach hand in hand.’

The same goes for your bridal party and other helpers, says Gayle. While it’s important to outline your expectations and ideas from the start (who will be paying for bridesmaid dresses, what duties you hope your girls will help out with in the lead-up), make sure you remember that selecting someone as bridesmaid doesn’t issue you with the right to puppeteer their every life decision.

‘I’ve seen brides who have sent out a dictum to their bridesmaids about losing weight, changing their hair colour, getting rid of tattoos, all sorts,’ says Gayle.

‘Remember that you have chosen your bridesmaids based on your friendship – asserting how they need to change for your wedding will do nothing to keep the pre- wedding atmosphere pleasant. Set time to do friend stuff like a movie night or a weekend away. Most importantly, stay interested in your friends’ lives.’

Sound communication between bride and vendor is also essential, says Vinka Design’s Anita Turner-Williams.

‘When it comes to dress designers, for example, you need someone who will not only listen to you but will be honest with you,’ she says. ‘If a bride comes to me with an idea that I don’t think will work for her body shape, I will try and discuss my concerns with the bride and steer her toward a more complementary design. If she insists, I’ll suggest that maybe I’m not the right designer for her. If we can’t share the same vision, it’s not going to work – that honesty is so important.’

According to Emma, being clear with vendors about your vision is key to avoiding on-the-day hiccups, such as cakes turning up iced the wrong colour, or a bouquet comprised of lilies instead of lotus flowers.

‘Be clear with your suppliers on what you want and what is important to you,’ she says. ‘Ask for samples of ribbon or colour swatches to help with palette matching, or alternatively provide these yourself based on details you have already determined.’

Be sure to take your vendors’ insights into consideration – they are the experts, after all – and eliminate ambiguity with follow-up emails confirming the points covered in meetings or discussions.

STEP THREE

Know your abilitieS

Biting off more than you can chew gives stress ample chance to sink its zilla-inducing claws into your pre-wedding persona. A strong dose of realism goes a long way toward fuelling a chilled state of mind further down the line. If you work 70-hour weeks, for example, taking on the role of wedding planner is unlikely to result in a happy ending.

‘ If your budget allows it, employ a professional planner,’ says Melanie. ‘A great one is worth their weight in wedding rings – they have so many connections in the industry, will save you time chasing up suppliers and overseeing every last detail.’

If you love the idea of the wedding industry’s answer to a fairy godmother but hiring one falls outside your budget, consider contacting a planner to see if they can tailor a budget-friendly package specifically for your needs. Alternatively, arrange a single meeting in which they can dispense their best advice regarding savvy strategising, or book a coordinator for the big day only.

Also essential, says Melanie, is delegating – if you’re blessed with an army of happy helpers, there’s no need to hand-thread all 140 cardboard love hearts to jars of homemade peach jam by yourself.

‘You don’t have to be a martyr,’ Melanie declares. ‘Ask for help when you need it – bridesmaids, groomsmen, mums, sisters and friends are usually thrilled to help, so let them!’

Hera Bridal’s Katie Yeung (herabridal. co.nz) adds that awareness of your ability is also key when settling on intricate design elements of the day, such as your dress.

‘If you’re not good at visualising how a dress will look from a designer’s drawing or from having fabric draped over you, attempting to design a gown from scratch could have an unexpected and disappointing result,’ she says.

Her suggestions for avoiding a tantruminducing final fitting?

‘Look through designers’ lookbooks or instore collections. Cut and paste bodice and skirt styles you like onto paper, book a consultation with the designer or boutique shop consultant, try the styles on and see if they suit you,’ Katie says.

STEP FOUR

be graCiouS

From the start of the engagement to the moment you make your grand exit at the end of the party, grace is the one trait that will cement your status as the ultimate bridechilla.

‘The qualities that make a bride a pleasure to deal with are the same qualities that make anyone a pleasure to deal with,’ comments Melanie. ‘Politeness, keeping appointments, communicating needs without being too cards, return borrowed items and thank vendors and helpers for the service they provided. Think personalised gifts, heartfelt gratitude notes or glowing testimonials on online directories such as New

Zealand Weddings’ Little White Book (newzealandweddings.co.nz/directory).

STEP FIVE

be open to imperfeCtion

Weddings are multi-faceted beasts, and no matter what lengths of military- esque precision have been adhered to throughout the planning process, unanticipated curve balls can frequently cause even the most docile bride to take on Hulk-like qualities.

The key to dodging unanticipated big day bullets – or better yet, stopping them in their tracks before they’ve been fired? Make your nuptials as flexible as possible, advises Emma.

‘ When it comes to styling, whimsical, rustic themes lend themselves well to mismatched imperfection,’ she says.

Reduce the chance of on-the-day stress by opting for these themes over more traditional, matchymatchy alternatives.

For example, if your table centrepieces show up in a bolder shade of purple than what you had imagined, they’ll be more likely to complement an ombré, buttercream-covered cake than a more formal three-tiered creation that’s covered in delicate lilac sugar flowers.

It seems simple enough, but what’s a bride to do when faced with more noticeable tricky situations that can shunt her dangerously close to bridezilla territory? Think bridesmaids playing up, an entrée served half an hour late or a best man who, with 15 minutes to go before his speech, is looking like he’s had one bubbly too many?

‘Feeling upset is understandable, but don’t take that emotion out on others,’ advises Melanie. ‘If tensions are running high, the best thing to do is to step out and have some time alone. When the moment passes, you will probably realise that what seemed like a major problem is more like a minor glitch. On the big day, a sense of humour goes a long way!’

‘From the start of the engagement to the moment you make your grand exit, grace is one trait that cements your status as the ultimate bridechilla.’

bossy, and treating her fiancé respectfully.’

Particularly while navigating tricky etiquette scenarios, courtesy and tact are crucial qualities that will endear you to your vendors, bridal party, family and fiancé.

‘ Guest lists, for example, can be a minefield,’ says Gayle, particularly if you’ve opted for a small and select wedding, or if parents – who are footing a sizable chunk of the bill – have special friends they want to invite, but who you haven’t laid eyes on since you graduated kindergarten.

‘Put the word out early that you want a small wedding and that numbers will be limited,’ Gayle suggests.

‘By all means express this sentiment to your parents early on, but remember it is important for them to be able to share the day with their friends too, so be understanding and prepare to compromise.’

Along with discretion and sensitivity, the ability to keep perspective is another graceful bridechilla trait, adds Gayle – it’s important to remember that while your wedding day may be one of the most important days of your life, it’s not the Queen’s Jubilee, president’s inauguration and Chinese New Year rolled into one.

Even after the big day, courteous gestures go a long way – remember to send thank-you