MONEY TALKS

If your wedding budget seems to be spiralling out of control, ben fahy offers sage wisdom to put things in perspective

how much do you really need to spend? columnist ben fahy puts things in perspective

One of the central tenets of capitalism is that the more something costs, the better it is meant to be – and, importantly, the better it is meant to make us feel. It doesn’t have to be physically better, however. It’s often simply about perceived value and, while we like to believe we’re rational creatures, humans regularly pay much more for almost exactly the same product if it happens to feature aspirational or premium cues and taps into our desires or fears. In the marketing world, this is called the price placebo and the same psychology is at play when it comes to romance, with a fair amount of social and commercial pressure applied to ensure couples celebrate appropriately (read: expensively) to prove their love, whether it be Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries or, particularly, weddings. This social pressure sets couples’ expectations for their wedding, which do seem to be becoming more elaborate affairs that tend to run over a few days rather than just one.

Whatever the size of your celebration, one thing is clear: getting married is pretty damn pricey, with the top considerations when it comes to cost generally being where you do it, how many people you invite, how you feed and water them and what extras you add on top. For most, it’s worth splashing out on a few important things in an effort to make the wedding feel a bit more important than your typical Saturday afternoon barbie. But bigger and more expensive isn’t necessarily better.

As a freeloading journalist, I’ve had the opportunity to stay in a few five-star hotels in my time. And while they’re obviously extremely comfortable and luxurious, I’ve always found them to be quite soulless, insular places where it’s almost impossible to establish connections with other guests or staff. Strangely, it’s often the exact opposite at dodgy guesthouses or quirky cottages.

And for me, it can sometimes be a similar story with weddings, with big, elaborate, expensive occasions often lacking the personality or intimacy of smaller, less extravagant and inevitably cheaper weddings where the couple have tried to keep the price down and kept things simple.

And if you question some of the fees you’re quoted, or think creatively about how you could do things yourself, there are many ways to keep it cheap. An American psychologist by the name of Richard Friedman summed it up nicely: “Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.”

Another golden rule of capitalism is that wherever there is money, there is tension. And when there is a wedding, there is often a future husband picking his lip up off the ground after being told just how much it’s going to cost.

That’s a stereotypical scene, with the bride doing the deciding and the groom doing the paying. But, in a very scientific poll of about 10, those gender roles still seem to be fairly accurate. The price of things was something I, like many of the other grooms I spoke to, knew absolutely nothing about and at first I tried to steer clear of that aspect of the organisation – until I discovered how much everything was going to cost. Then I became more interested in offering other suggestions.

While we were lucky enough to have assistance from our parents to pay for the wedding, I’m a proudly cheap man, so we prioritised some expenses, made a few sacrifices and did as much as we could ourselves to help lower the cost.

Details are important, of course. And the subtle touches often add up to one great experience. But, generally speaking, it pays to remember that guests are not there to look at table decorations. They don’t really care if you turn up in a stretched Hummer. And they’re not too concerned about the quality of the icing on the cake. They’re there for the couple.

If you want to spend the cash and you’ve got the means, go crazy (and maybe focus on marrying well). The wonder of perceived value means you’ll probably enjoy it. But there’s also a sense of satisfaction in avoiding the vortex of unnecessary expense, creating a memorable occasion and still having enough for a deposit on a house when you wake up married.