KEEP IT... SIMPLE?

Columnist Chamanthie Sinhalage is a self-described Kiwi-Sri Lankan bride-to-be. Newly engaged, she’s navigating the murky waters of planning a culturally blended wedding to be held 11,000km away. Meanwhile, the small matter of an engagement party beckons.

Organising a culturally blended wedding is no easy feat

W ith both of us having been brought up in New Zealand by Sri Lankan parents, my fiancé and I had to make a choice about whether our wedding would be in New Zealand or Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka narrowly won out, mostly due to my 85-year- old grandmother’s difficulty travelling overseas (and, admittedly, the appeal of the dollarrupee conversion). With the big decision out of the way, we thought it might be nice to have a small engagement party in New Zealand. We quickly learned that our definition of ‘small’ was very different to that of our parents.

I knew that we were in trouble the morning I woke up to a text from my mother that read, “Have you organised your engagement dress yet? We need to make sure it matches the cake.” So we really shouldn’t have been surprised when we found the low-key event that we had envisioned, with nibbles and drinks at an unassuming indie bar, had morphed into a 100-person affair at the Zealong Tea Estate in Hamilton, with guests flying in from overseas.

While our engagement party was modest by Sri Lankan standards, it did still prompt one of our Kiwi friends to whisper on arrival, “This is the biggest engagement party I’ve ever been to!” I wasn’t lying when I whispered back, “Me too.” True, it wasn’t really what our Kiwi friends expected, but Sri Lankan engagement parties are serious affairs. In Sri Lanka, the purpose of the engagement is for the bride’s parents to lock down the groom, lest he make off with someone else before the wedding day. This isn’t something to be taken lightly, given the process of setting a wedding date (involving constellations and astrologers) can have some couples waiting years for their special day to arrive. So understandably, the engagement provides certainty for all involved. After seven years together I was pretty sure my fiancé wouldn’t bail, but I reasoned that it always pays to take precautions.

I learned two things from having a mostly Sri Lankanstyle engagement party. First, regardless of the size or style of your party, the people who care about you will make every effort to show up. Second, irrespective of whether your audience is Sri Lankan or Kiwi, you should never, ever accidentally mention in your speech the story of how your fiancé was conceived.

With less than six months to go now until our wedding, we are headed to Sri Lanka over summer to get things organised. Our first stop will be the historic bungalow where we plan to have our garden party wedding.

Chief amongst the issues we will have to tackle is how to manage the troops of jungle monkeys that roam free in Sri Lanka’s Hill Country. Perhaps it’s with good reason that Sri Lankans don’t tend to have outdoor weddings...

Watch this space!