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You’ve set about planning your big day when it suddenly dawns on you that choosing your bridesmaids may be tougher than you thought. This is often the trickiest part of planning a wedding, especially if you have a large group of friends and close family members. Not only do you run the risk of choosing the wrong people for crucial tasks, you could also hurt someone’s feelings right from the get- go. So how do you choose your crew? Here are five questions to ask before making the final call.
CAN THEY KEEP QUIET?
These days, the roles of bridesmaids are less about the planning and set ups and more about being a support system for the bride, helping out when needed. It pays to choose people who are agreeable, no matter how outlandish your dream wedding might be. “The best bridesmaids are those who have very few opinions, unless asked of them,” says marriage celebrant and wedding planner Hannah Porter. “They just smile and nod and take away that stress.” Surrounding yourself with people who understand it’s the couple’s day is essential, and if you want to ask about a different shade of pink for the 12th time, then you should feel comfortable doing that. “I had a bride who fired a bridesmaid not far out from the wedding because they were arguing non-stop and she was not particularly helpful,” says Hannah. “That’s a really hard situation to be in.”
WILL THEY BE IN YOUR LIFE 10 YEARS FROM NOW?
Whether old friends or new, the most important factor in choosing a bridesmaid is time. “There’s nothing worse than looking at your wedding photos five or 10 years down the track and wondering why you chose that particular person,” says Hannah. The length of time you have been friends with someone doesn’t matter as much as whether or not you see them sticking around in the future. There are no obligations for having certain people in your bridal party, and that goes for family too. If you’re not close with your siblings, don’t feel they need to automatically be a bridesmaid. And if you are close, but just can’t fit them in, dress designer Amber Whitecliffe suggests offering them another role. The same goes for close friends. They might do a reading during the ceremony, be one of the witnesses, or they might be an usher and help people find their seats. “Ask them around the same time you ask the bridesmaids, so they don’t feel like an afterthought,” says Amber. “Females are sensitive creatures and sometimes don’t appreciate all the different people in your life, and it can lead them to think you just don’t consider them close, when of course you do!” If you’re still feeling guilty, ask them to help you get ready on the morning, so that they are included in the whole day.
ARE THEY POSITIVE AND FUN?
Who will you have the most fun with? The morning of the wedding, when you’re getting your hair and make-up done, you want your tribe with you, so choose people that you love and who are going to make things relaxing for you on the day. And, keep in mind, it’s this team who are going to plan your hen’s party!
WHERE ARE THEY LOCATED?
While it’s not important to have every member of the bridal party close in proximity, it does help to know at least one of them lives nearby. “If you can have one bridesmaid in the same city as you, it makes the journey of planning a wedding more enjoyable,” says Amber. “It can be hard not having someone there to help and celebrate with you in person along the way.”