Mind your MANNERS
BUT REMEMBER THERE’S SUCH A THING AS BEING TOO POLITE
Manners are good. Too much manner is bad. It’s polite when two people want to use a single door and one makes way for the other.
It becomes frustrating when they both insist the other goes first. A stalemate of subservience develops. A weird one-undermanship. Then everyone gets held up.
Not me. I recently witnessed two well-raised mannerly people in exactly this type of standoff. After two rounds of “no, after you”, I simply pushed past them both, saying, “I’ll go, thanks.”
They glared at me but I feared no repercussion.
Neither of them would be able to chase me. As far as I know, they’re both still stuck standing there trying to let the other go first.
Don’t get me wrong, as I wrote in line one, manners are good. I’m not advocating barging through with no regard for anyone, but perhaps one “after you” is enough. There’s no right of reply. If the other person says it first, you have to deal with the fact you’ve been out-mannered and get through the damn door.
To avoid confusion, may I suggest a new phrase for the manner book? “After you, no returns.”
In fact, we don’t need any talking at all, it’s simple: no ladies first, no age before beauty. The first person to go through a shared door is simply the one with most momentum.
I have a friend who excels in all things respectful, but I want to slap him in the face when I hold a door open for him and he says, with a little wave of his hand, “you first”.
Last time he tried this, I snapped, “I’m holding the door open! It’s more complicated and time-consuming for me to let it go and walk through the exit first because then one of us has to hold it open for you! We’re using two people where the job only needs one. It’s moronic.”
He hasn’t called in a while. My next plea for the courteous of you in society: Use your manners, but answer the question. When I ask you if you would like a cup of tea, try responding with a yes or no. Don’t say, “if you’re making one”. That doesn’t help. The chances of me making a cup of tea at the exact moment you want one are slim.
Things get worse when I need to know what type of tea to make. Don’t say, “whatever’s easiest”. Ironically, that makes my life harder. You know what’s easiest? When you tell me how you like your tea.
That same friend did that once too often and I gave him a cup of steam. He still hasn’t called.
I don’t think it’s always necessary to wait for everyone to be seated before eating. Some hosts I know simply aren’t comfortable sitting down until you have started your meal. They’re waiting for you to tuck in, just in case they’ve missed something.
I give them three minutes then it’s two, four, six, eight, dig in, don’t wait.
So can we all moderate our over-mannering? I’ll say please just once.