FROM THE ARCHIVES
GO FROM DRAB TO FAB AND TRANSFORM FROM SHY WALLFLOWER TO A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY
How to sparkle at a party
Parties are for letting your hair down, shutting out the humdrum and living it up. Parties are for looking pretty at, dazzling men at and making conquests at.
And parties are also places where you can feel the most miserable, tongue-tied, selfconscious failure in the world.
Ever spent hours dressing up and set off with great expectations only to slink out halfway, feeling dejected and unwanted?
It’s a very common experience, but if it’s one that happens to you, it’s time to take a long, cool look at yourself.
What happened at the last party flop? Did you hide yourself in a corner with your head down? Did you stammer and blush, and spill your drink every time anyone spoke to you? Or giggle and talk incessantly in a high-pitched, unnatural voice?
Or claim to be an expert on something you knew nothing about? Or throw yourself obviously at all the dishy men and ignore everyone else?
None of these are criminal acts. They all stem from nerves and lack of confidence, and simply indicate that you need to give your party technique a good polish-up.
And there is a technique, although we’ve all met those gay, confident creatures who seem to have been born at the party and never look back. This is not for them – they’re far enough ahead already – but for the other 90% of us who have to make it the hard way.
Starting at first base, knowing you look super is the greatest morale booster of all.
Allow yourself plenty of time to dress carefully, but not so much that you’re sitting around
Take special care over make-up, but don’t wear false eyelashes or hairpieces unless you’re expert enough to put them on and forget about them. And don’t be mean with the scent – why are you keeping it?
The first half hour is always the worst. If the party-giver is a great buddy, offer to come early and help – in that way, you’ll be an inbuilt part of the scene from the beginning.
Or try to arrive with somebody else so the two of you can brave the storm together.
But if neither of these are possible, you’ll have to go it alone. Okay, smile at your hostess – she may be nervous too.
If she’s any good at parties, she’ll make sure you have a drink and someone to talk to. But what if she’s called to the door again and you’re left stranded in a sea of unknown faces?
You are then in the traditional party-misery situation and must take action.
Don’t slink into a corner and merge with the wallpaper. Take a deep breath and try any variation of the following:
1 Approach the nearest group of people saying, “I don’t know anyone. Can I join you?”
2 Ease your way very slowly across the most crowded part of the room. Take your time, like you’re looking for someone. Chances are you’ll be accosted and you can play it from there.
3 Pass round nuts, crisps, etc or hand the dishes to someone, saying, “Please take these away before I finish the lot!”
4 Look out for someone standing by herself and make a friendly approach. If she’s as lonely as you, she’ll be glad of the diversion. If she’s merely waiting for someone to get her a drink, then she’ll be forced to make the introductions.
The important thing is not to be put off by the first rebuff. You may have been unlucky enough to encounter one of those superior, cliquey types who don’t want to meet anyone new and shouldn’t be let loose at parties in the first place.
So, that doesn’t mean there
is anything wrong with you.
Fix a cheerful expression on your face and keep trying. Sooner or later you’re bound to get embroiled in a conversation. That’s half your problem solved – the next half is to keep the ball rolling.
It’s not automatically true that most successful party people are the nicest, but you can go a long way just by being agreeable.
Try it. Listen to what’s said to you, laugh at jokes, ask questions...
If you don’t know what everyone’s talking about, say so. There will always be someone just dying to enlighten you, whether the subject under discussion is the prime minister or the price of livestock.
And if you happen to get landed with the world’s greatest authority/bore on the subject of tax evasion, the drill is the same.
For one thing, it’s better than hanging around like a spare part and, for another, someone else is much more likely to come and chat to you if you look as though you’re capable of having fun.
Another thing – don’t freeze people off. Remember you may not be the only shy one around. If you catch someone’s eye, there’s no harm in smiling. It is a party after all. If someone pays you a compliment, look pleased.
Don’t try to rush things. You’ve got the whole evening in front of you and, as long as you’re not sitting in a lonely huddle, you’re doing all right. As soon as you forget to be nervous, you’ll start to have a good time.
You’ll suddenly find the confidence to talk as well as listen, to duck gracefully out of one group and muscle in on a new one, and to keep up the casual chat, which is what the party scene is all about.
And as always happens when you least expect it, a casual encounter could turn out to be not so casual.
Maybe it all sounds too easy and if you’re desperately shy, there’s a long, uphill slog ahead.
But it is worth the effort because you’re not going to give up going to parties, however much you flopped at the last one.
I bet you still get a tug of excitement when the next invitation turns up. So keep the excitement going, repeat three times, “I’m as good as anyone else there”, and go and prove it!
PS: When you have proved it, don’t turn into one of those nasties who snubs others on the way up.