Falling for a FRIEND

ENTERING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW COULD BE A HEART-STARTER

When it comes to the perfect partner, most of us agree on what makes the ideal mate: someone you can talk to, someone you can trust and someone who makes you laugh. If you’re single and that combination sounds like one of your close friends, well, chances are you could be falling for them.

Relationship therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie says sometimes Mr Right is already part of your life and there’s nothing wrong with going from friends to lovers.

“Research shows people who start out as friends have more successful romantic relationships, so why not take a chance and go for it?” she asks.

Then again, you don’t want to risk a great five-year friendship for a fling that fizzles out after a weekend and takes your pal with it.

Explore your feelings – but do it in private

Friendships can seem like a strong foundation for building an intimate relationship because you already know quite a lot about each other.

But as couples therapist Jennifer Douglas explains, it’s crucial to determine whether your romantic interest is genuine: is it heart-thumping physical attraction or a matter of convenience?

“Ask yourself whether it’s love you’re feeling or if you’re trying to create something that isn’t there,” advises Jennifer.

Only once you’re certain your feelings are genuine, start by telling your friend you’ve been wondering what might happen if you two were to up the ante in your relationship. If the feeling is mutual, you’ll need to be able to talk about your expectations as you set a whole new set of boundaries together.

Date night

While you already have some understanding of what makes each other tick, don’t skip the excitement of the whole “getting to know you” phase of dating. Make plans to go out and build the anticipation of seeing them by doing new and exciting things together.

“Give yourself time to discover each other as romantic partners, instead of just friends,” tells Jennifer.

Go for it!

As your relationship deepens, you may find yourself wondering how to address intimacy issues. This is when a direct approach usually works best, Isiah attests.

“Let him know how you’re feeling when you want to take your relationship to the next level – remember, he may be as nervous as you,” she says.

Be as open as you can about what you want from a physical relationship, especially what you do and don’t like. Any awkwardness is entirely normal, so don’t be afraid to lay out all your expectations and need for firm sexual boundaries, such as only having sleepovers on weekends.

You may also discover health issues influence your love-life, possibly for the first time in your life.

“Men have a 50% chance of erectile dysfunction after 50 and this increases again at age 60,” reveals Isiah.

Likewise, menopause can affect your desire for intimacy or lead to discomfort during sex. Then again, you could find yourself in the most passionate relationship of your life!

“Either way, try to go into your new romance with an open mind and curiosity,” says Isiah. “But always practise safe sex because rates of sexually transmitted infections in over-fifties are on the rise.”