Undue INFLUENCE

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PEER PRESSURE

For most teenagers, wanting to be liked and accepted by their friends can be a strong driving influence. It can often result in them choosing to do things they wouldn’t normally do.

Sometimes this can be a good thing. It might mean they join in with activities they might not have tried otherwise or that they work harder at school to get better results.

But there are also downsides. Depending on their friends and what they are getting up to, wanting to be like them can also lead to risk-taking and anti-social behaviour.

Peer pressure can influence everything from the clothes your teen wears and the language they use, through to smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs and becoming sexually active.

Kids who have low selfesteem or find it difficult to make friends are more likely to succumb to pressure from their peers. They may feel the best way to be accepted and fit into a social group is to take on the behaviour of others in that group, even if it means doing things that they might not feel comfortable about and that they know you will disapprove of.

Signs your child might be succumbing to peer pressure include:

• Changing their preferences for music, TV shows, etc – especially if they suddenly start liking things they previously didn’t like.

• No longer being interested in hobbies or out-of-school activities that they have always enjoyed.

• Being more focused on how they look. Changing to a particular look, such as becoming a Goth, when they’ve never previously shown an interest, may be an indication that they are trying to fit in with others.

• Falling grades at school. Sometimes children who have always got high marks will stop doing so well because they feel being bright makes them less likely to fit in with their peers. They can stop trying so their marks drop to the same levels as the others.

• Exhibiting both behaviour and beliefs that are not in keeping with the way they’ve been brought up and have behaved up until now.

If you are concerned that the influence of their friends is affecting your child negatively, take action as soon as you can.

• Talk to them about it.

Don’t attack their friends personally – saying things like, “I don’t like the way Lucy dresses and now you’re dressing like that too” will get their back up. Instead, be rational and reasoned about why you disapprove.

• Pick your battles. It is better to let minor misdemeanours go – such as wearing too much make-up – and focus on the big ones, such as drinking alcohol.

• Stay connected to your child. It is easier to keep the lines of communication open about important subjects if you have a connection. Talk regularly about their interests and day-to-day experiences.

• Suggest ways of dealing with any pressure they face. For example, if they want to avoid doing something their friends want them to do, tell them they can paint you as the bad guy who will inflict some terrible punishment on them. This takes the onus off them to come up with a good reason not to do it.

• Build up their self-esteem. The more confidence they have in themselves, the better they will be at saying no to their friends.

• Widen their social network. If they have lots of friends in different areas ie a sports club etc, they’re less likely to feel the pressure of having to fit in with one particular group.