A GRACEFUL GOODBYE

Julie and Margo’s saviours

Twins Julie Fielding and Margo Stewart will never forget the strands of a beautiful waita hospice staff sang as they farewelled their mother Jeannette from the place she spent the final week of her life.

Those who looked after the ailing 78-year-old gathered alongside family to give her a touching choral departure as the hearse left the grounds of the care facility.

It’s something that remains a treasured memory a year on as Julie and Margo fondly recall how staff at Auckland’s Mercy Hospice treated their cherished mum with such gentleness and respect as she succumbed to a rare blood cancer last August, months after she was diagnosed with the terminal disease.

Tells Julie, “They give everyone a beautiful send off. They prepare your loved one so they look gorgeous. They put a little butterfly on the door, then when the undertaker or funeral director comes, all the staff stand outside and sing a beautiful Maˉori hymn. You can go and join them or watch from afar.”

Sadly, it was the second time in four years the twins (56) needed to call on the charity’s specialist palliative care.

The first was in 2013 when their father, Ian Stephenson, died aged 78 after battling two different cancers over three decades.

Diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease when he was 43, Ian survived the cancer for another 26 years. Then, aged 69, Ian was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which eventually claimed his life.

It was during that time Julie, Margo and Jeannette came to understand the depth of care hospice offered first-hand, albeit with trepidation.

Tells Margo, “It concerned us that the word hospice was mentioned because to us it equated with death, but when we got there, it was just like this massive weight had been lifted off our shoulders. We felt that Dad had been cared for so beautifully with such respect.”

Adds Julie, “They encourage you to bring your personal items, they encourage family and friends to come... even down to the drinks trolley at night. When our father was really ill, he’d still put his little finger up for a whiskey. There’s a normality about hospice.”

Importantly, staff helped the family navigate and accept death, say the twins.

“They told us what to expect, including things we didn’t know such as hearing is one of the last things to go when someone is not responding,” explains Margo.

Both women say the family was able to be close to their frail father and always made to feel included.

Recalls Margo, “When Dad was there, Mum stayed every night. They got a bed and made her feel just as welcome.”

When their mother’s health suddenly started failing, the twins were determined to see their mother receive the same care and attention.

“It was with huge relief that she managed to get a bed in there and she was never in any pain,” says Margo, noting the compassion of nursing staff during her week-long stay.

“She was our rock. We thought she would never get sick. Unfortunately, last January she was diagnosed with myelofibrosis, which was terminal. We spent every single day with Mum and made the most of it. We took her on a road trip to Taranaki, where she grew up, and then when she came back, she went downhill.”

There was added comfort when the sisters discovered the same nursing staff who cared for their father in his final days were also looking after their mother.

“It was just so nice and so comforting; they remembered us,” recalls Julie, who has nothing but praise for the dignity her parents were treated with in their final weeks.

While Julie and Margo’s experience has focused on end of life care, Margo says there is so much more to hospice. “They are there for you afterwards and have massive follow-up. I honestly don’t know what people would do without hospice.”

“We couldn’t have coped without them. It just makes the process so much easier and bearable,” adds Julie, who wants people to know hospice services are free and available for anyone. “I don’t think people are aware that even though it costs a fortune to have people in those beds every day, it actually doesn’t cost you anything.”

As a measure of heartfelt thanks, Margo didn’t even think twice about becoming part of the Mercy Hospice fundraising team, saying, “To start with, we were horrified by the word hospice. But when we think of the word now, it’s just with enormous love.”

Julie adds, “They’re an incredible bunch of people. You really want to give as much as you can so that others don’t have to face these things alone.”