Knowledge IS POWER
JEREMY’S KIDS DISCOVER JUST HOW TO PACK A PINT-SIZED PUNCH
Kids can be sobering. Before I put fingers to the keyboard for this week’s missive, I asked my family what I should write about.
Our eight-year-old daughter gazed up at the ceiling for inspiration and then suggested, “Why do people drink too much wine?”
It was said without malice and very matter-of-factly. She wasn’t trying to make a point, just provide me with an observation I could use. She moved on immediately, walking off to herd her unicorns and leaving me pondering my consumption.
I moved quickly from denial to anger: How dare my child question how much wine is the correct amount! I was sure I’d never let her see me in a state of inebriation.
After some honest selfevaluation, I concluded she was merely repeating something she had heard. And it was true. That very morning Megan had asked me why I was moving slowly and complaining about having a headache.
I had answered, “I think I had too much wine last night.”
I’d given my daughter the line myself! “Too much wine.” It then dawned on me as to why she thought it was a good subject for analysis. She was perplexed. Why would someone knowingly and deliberately consume too much of anything?
When you’re in a restaurant, you don’t say to the waiter, ”I’d like too much food, please.”
“And would sir like some wine with dinner?”
“Ooh yes... too much pinot noir would be lovely.”
Armed with this blindingly obvious logic from my eightyear-old, I have pledged to ascertain more accurately the amount of fermented grape juice that’s the correct amount to consume in future.
My five-year-old also struck me dumb recently as I was trying to get her and her sister to bed.
We were enjoying a conversation ranging from unicorn poo to how much slime is enough, when my eight-year-old said it was a shame I had only just gotten home from work and we hadn’t spent much time together.
Miss Five then stated, “But that’s okay, Dad, because money is more important than hugs.”
‘Thunk!’ went the dagger to my heart. I’m not a bad parent. I’m not! But I felt the guilt. I also made the mistake of telling my wife what had happened and my kids overheard me.
They may be young, but they know a powerful weapon when they find one.
Now they control me. Whenever they want me to do anything and I am resisting, they simply play the bad dad card. “Can we go to the park, Dad?” “Not right now, I’m just busy with some work.”
“Oh, that’s okay. Emails are more important than time with your children.”
Pause. “Get in the car.”
Catch Jeremy on TheProject on Three, weeknights at 7pm.