READER LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear Jude,

Two years ago, I began having trouble with my eyes. I have now lost 80% of my eyesight in one eye and the other is a little impaired too. I’ve lost my confidence and feel anxious quite easily now, particularly at night. I’d really love to move to a retirement village for the security, but my husband is completely against it and says he’ll never move. He says he’ll understand if I want to move in by myself. My two children think it’s a terrible idea. I’d miss him, of course, but he says he’d visit me regularly. Is it really such a terrible idea? Kathy, Wellington

Dear Kathy,

What tricky times for you as you try to source security for the next stage of your life. Trying to make your idea of moving into a retirement village as a couple still viable on your own presents some challenges. Now, I’m the first to say a woman should march to the beat of her own drum, but let’s stick with the issue that you’ve identified. Due to losing much of your vision, you’ve lost confidence and feel anxious, particularly at night. Will moving out to live on your own, thus being on your own at night, improve that? I’d be asking your husband two things: First, if he wants to stay put, how can things change to make you feel less anxious? Second, I’d try unpicking what his aversion is to the move and seeing if that can be addressed. Book a tour with him and bring the kids too. Retirement villages aren’t holding pens for undertakers – they’re vibrant, active places with facilities that you can take as much, or as little, from as you like, while also having help and support on hand. Maybe one of your kids is better to try to get him to talk about what his future living plan is for you both? If he says he’ll never move, ask if he intends to stay in your home till his last breath. If so, help will be required to “age in place” and he needs to factor that in.