READER LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear Jude,

I think this time I’ve met the right guy. He and I seem like a good match. We’ve been dating for just under a year and it feels really comfortable – it just feels right. Problem is, I’m worried that ‘comfortable’ isn’t good long-term. I’m in my late 30s and, honestly,

I’m keen to settle down after having dated a bunch of goodlooking but ultimately selfobsessed and shallow guys when I was in my 20s. I know this is probably a question only I can answer, but how do you know if he’s ‘the one’? My friends are in two camps – some are saying, “He’s not your usual sort and you’ll probably get bored,” and others are saying, “Hurray, you’ve finally grown up!” I’m confused. I love him, but this feels different to past guys. Is that good or bad?

Emma, via email

Yes, it is a question only you can answer! Your man, your marriage, your kids, your life... You’ve really answered your own questions. Maybe he’s different to the others because perhaps the others, in hindsight, were somewhat lacking. Granted, good fun and lovable, but jerks all the same when it boiled down to it. Now it’s a different time, different place and you’ve scratched that itch and matured. I’d guess you’re not the same person you were a decade ago, so you’re not looking for the same sort of bloke. Do you have a similar value system? Is he trustworthy? Do you respect each other? Can you imagine him as a father to your children? Satisfaction is key: Are both partners satisfied that they’re getting what they need from the relationship? Have you been more satisfied in previous relationships? Can you imagine yourself being more satisfied? I’d try to cancel out the noise from your friends and listen to your thoughts. I think you’ll come up with your own answers.