DAME CINDY KIRO
’I know what it’s like to go hungry’
Going hungry, experiencing racism or witnessing a young cousin get a broom broken over him may sound like hardships encountered by the troubled Kiwi kids who Dame Cindy
Kiro has helped over the years. But as the former Children’s Commissioner begins a powerful new role serving New Zealand as Governor-General, she’s opening up about the trauma of such scenarios in her own childhood.
“It’s a big motivation,” she tells the Weekly. “I learned early on that I’d never tolerate violence in my household because I didn’t want that feeling of constantly being on-guard and never feeling safe. I don’t want other children to go through it.”
Cindy’s Ma¯ori mother was only 20 when she and Cindy’s British father welcomed her in 1958, so under a wha¯ngai arrangement, Cindy spent her first three years with her grandparents, who had a “profound and lasting” impact.
Returning to her parents, Cindy became big sister to five siblings. At 11, she ran away back to her grandparents, where she was also the oldest. “In both my family groupings, I was the eldest, so was expected to care for others. When you’re 11 and have to change your siblings’ nappies or make their meals, that’s not fun.”
Although her father, who she credits for her interest in reading and world affairs, and grandparents were hardworking manual labourers, the family struggled financially.
“You wouldn’t think so looking at me these days, but I know what it’s like to be hungry and how much pressure that puts adults under,” she says.
With two pairs of footwear (gumboots for winter, Roman sandals for summer), Cindy recalls the wonderful day her godfather gifted her black leather shoes when she was
10. “I thought I’d died and gone to heaven – like The Wizard of Oz’s Dorothy and her red shoes!”
If, like Dorothy, Cindy could’ve tapped her heels to escape dire situations, chances are she would have when home life became tumultuous.
“I witnessed violence in the home and that was really disturbing,” she says. “I had a very fiery aunty and uncle, and my mother was pretty fiery too.
“We had a great-aunt living with us who we loved, but when she lost it, she really lost it. I remember a cousin having the broom broken on him because he’d eaten all the Weet-Bix – he was starving! There’s many instances where I saw this treatment of children. I have zero-tolerance to violence because it deeply pained me. Witnessing it, and experiencing it occasionally, makes you constantly alert.”
Throughout her youth, Cindy also faced racism and she yearned to escape responsibilities like babysitting. However, she still felt stability and love from her wha¯nau, describing those family connections as the “X-factor in our survival, perseverance and resilience”.
Another saving grace was school, where she became involved with kapa haka and youth groups. “School provided structure and certainty in sometimes chaotic times.”
Cindy then pursued social work, meeting her ex-husband Chris at university. The two were married 30 years and welcomed two sons. “I’d had lots of practice so I figured it’d be straightforward, but being a parent’s stressful! My husband was doing his masters and I was my doing masters then PhD, while having children and working. Every extra ounce of weight I gained was from that stress. I really respect what parents go through to juggle.”
Cindy relied on family support and her “action list” (taking time each Sunday to write down the coming week’s tasks). She became resolute in being “more dependable and responsible” than her mother, and credits architect and “fantastic father” Chris for helping her build a harmonious home life.
Five years after their split, Cindy met husband Dr Richard Davies through her kayaking club. He also has two sons.
“I thought I had my two boys off my hands, then I get two more!” she laughs “It seems my luck to constantly have generations of children
‘When you’re 11 and have to change nappies, that’s not fun’
coming through. And I’ve got two grandsons who give me pleasure in a way I never expected or experienced. I adore them!”
Her varying experience with youth proved valuable during her 2003-2009 role as Children’s Commissioner. Passionate about ending child poverty and violence against youth, Cindy’s support of the 2007 “anti-smacking” bill attracted “horrid” backlash. “I got unbelievably nasty letters, emails and personal attacks. The irony is, I was trying to protect children.”
Cindy has also held research and teaching roles at universities, worked across the health sector and in community roles. She had commenced a CEO role at the Royal Society Te Apa¯rangi, when Jacinda Ardern asked her to become Governor-General – after the Queen deemed Cindy “wholly suitable”.
As the first Ma¯ori woman in the position, she hopes to inspire others. “You can reach the very top,” she enthuses when asked what she hopes Ma¯ ori girls learn from her.
“I’m not only Ma¯ori and a woman, but po¯ hara – I was very poor from a humble background.”