FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE

There are no good or bad emotions, just helpful or unhelpful ones according to the situation you find yourself in. Everyone knows the feeling you get when you’re in crisis. You’re in fight, flight or freeze mode, swamped with powerful emotions. Techniques can help you get a bit of breathing space, to put your emotions at a metaphorical arm’s length so that you can re-engage the rational part of your brain. It’s all about dialling down the intensity of that emotional experience – not getting rid of it, but reducing it sufficiently so that you can respond, rather than react.

Think of it like this. You step into quicksand. You’ve seen enough old cowboy movies – what’s the very worst thing you can do? Struggle, right? Because thrashing around only displaces more sand and you sink lower. So, what’s the best thing to do? Quicksand is a mixture of sand and water, so it’s best to behave as you would to avoid sinking in water. Lie flat. Stay calm. Make all your movements slow and steady.

Your job is to accept your situation and move through it as efficiently as you can without unnecessary wallowing about.

So slow down. Differentiate between the things that you can’t change (and which must be accepted) and the things that you can change (problem-solving). Look around for your options. Make your choices calm and deliberate.

When you’re feeling challenged and your emotions are clouding your vision, ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Then insert in front of the thought, “I notice I’m having the thought that…” The act of identifying your thought as a thought, rather than as direct access to reality, gives you mental distance from it and in doing so, reduces the intensity of its associated emotions.