Rediscover your CONFIDENCE

You’re not alone if you’ve found your sizzle is a little more fizzle. Here’s how to give yourself a boost

Like running water, good friends and enough milk in the fridge, selfconfidence is one of those things you take for granted – until it’s gone. At which point, it can quickly and negatively impact your lifestyle and health.

“We’re talking about self-esteem when talking about self-confidence,” says psychotherapist, and addiction and trauma specialist Diane Young. “This is knowing that we are enough, irrespective of whatever anyone else says or thinks of us.”

Maybe you’re experiencing isolation, increased domestic pressures or a big life change and you’ve noticed your appetite for moving outside your comfort zone has diminished. Or that you’re overthinking everything. These are all signs of confidence that has taken a hit.

“Our inner thoughts about ourselves deeply impact our physical and emotional wellbeing,” notes Diane. Fortunately, there are plenty of things you can do to get your mojo back. And here’s why it’s worth the effort: Confidence doesn’t just make you feel all warm and fuzzy

– it also allows you to take the risks necessary to make tangible improvements in your life. So, spread your wings again... or at the very least, flutter them a little.

FEEL & BELIEVE

Take this scenario: when you pass your driving test, you’re only 30 minutes more experienced as a driver, but once you’ve got the nod and you’ve passed, you feel uplifted and more confident – you’re no longer a learner and your status has changed. You hit the road a new person. How can such a small shift in experience and a qualification in itself have such a profound impact? It’s about belief: someone else believes in you and that is something powerful. The driving examiner is backing your ability in the form of passing you.

But it’s equally important we believe in ourselves. Confidence isn’t just about what you say – it’s how you say it, your body language, your course of action and how you present or market yourself in every moment. It begins with self-belief, but you can’t top it up overnight – it comes from your identity and how you perceive yourself.

RECONNECT WITH OTHERS

We need meaningful connections to have confidence, and yet we need confidence to go out and connect meaningfully with people.

“Connection plays a huge role in mental health and developing confidence,” says psychologist David Godden. “As humans, we’re social, not solitary creatures. We need to have purpose, and part of that is having places to be and people to see.”

While it may initially feel overwhelming, David says reconnecting with friends is important. Reach out and make plans. “The best thing to do is start small,” advises David. “Organise to have a coffee or walk with a friend a couple of times a week. Having a commitment to them will help get you out of bed and start the day off in a positive way.” Just remember to take one step at a time, he adds. “Don’t try to overcommit or place too many expectations on yourself, and pull back when things feel too much.”

Joining a social club, sports club or volunteering are also positive ways to engage in a social environment.

Such activities can boost confidence simply because you are part of something and acknowledged by others.

UNDERTAKE SOME SELF-REFLECTION

Self-reflection is a good foundation for rebuilding confidence. Take time to ask yourself: What did I learn? What strengths have I gained? What can I let go of? Doing this helps to reinforce our beliefs and helps us reassess what’s important to us. It

‘There are plenty of things you can do to get your mojo back’

helps us recognise our past achievements, understand what brings us joy and live according to our values.

“Recognise what your values are, then identify some valuedriven goals and actions,” advises psychologist Dr Jodie Lowinger. “For example, if you value friendship, ask yourself, ‘Why am I maintaining the friendships I’m maintaining? Am I connecting with people who treat me with the respect and kindness I deserve?’ Connect or reconnect with those whose company you enjoy, but let go of those individuals who you’re staying connected to because you fear letting go.”

Value-driven goals can help you stay on track and give you confidence that you’re living life true to yourself. Other value-driven goals may be saving for a holiday, committing to healthier habits or spending more time with your kids.

PRACTISE SELFCOMPASSION

Self-compassion is more important than ever, especially when it comes to challenges around body image.

“Self-compassion means letting go of the judgements you hold about yourself and your body, acknowledging all of your feelings and being caring towards yourself no matter what,” says personal trainer Shreen El Masry. “By practising self-compassion, you can experience less body shame, monitoring and comparison, and it can also help you detach your body image from your selfworth, helping you feel more self-confident.”

One of the simplest ways you can start putting it into practice, says Shreen, is to ask yourself: “Would I say this to a loved one?” or, “If a loved one was saying mean things about their own body, what would I say to them?”

Shreen adds, “The kind words of encouragement you would offer them are the words to start saying to yourself.”

REFRAME NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

It’s easy to give in to negative chatter in your head. But a little internal coaching can help quieten or silence this voice. Start by recognising negative thoughts and challenging if they’re useful or not. Consider what evidence there is to support your negative thought. Are you really failing at everything you do? Probably not.

Make note of evidence that conflicts with your thought. Maybe you’ve successfully juggled multiple projects recently. Maybe you’re a wonderful parent. Recognise that achievement, then distance yourself from the negative thought. “Notice the critical voice and personify it – you could even name it,” says Jodie. “This helps you to distance yourself from it and avoid it controlling you.

“You don’t need to get hooked into the negative thought or caught up in the content, just recognise negative self-talk as unhelpful and bring the focus back to self-kindness and compassion. You have a choice.”

Jodie adds that another tip to rebalance the negative bias that we often have is to practise gratitude. “Try to start the day thinking about one positive thing or one thing you’re grateful for.”

‘Go on an adventure or visit a new place this weekend’